Essay Writing

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I've done my outline now,so I can start writing. This is what I have so far:

One of the most common psychotic disorder is schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a brutal mental disorder characterized by delusions, hallucinations, incoherence and physical disturbance. It generally strikes in late teenage years or early adulthood, but can hit at any time in life. People with schizophrenia may hear voices other people don't hear or they may believe that others are reading their minds, controlling their thoughts, or plotting to harm them. These experiences are frightening and can cause terror, withdrawal, or extreme anxiety. People with schizophrenia may not make sense when they converse, may sit for hours without moving or talking much, or may seem perfectly fine until they speak about what they are really thinking. There is no single cause for this disease and it occurs in 1 percent of the U.S population. (That’s about 3 million people) Schizophrenia is a severe mental illness that deeply affect’s the patient’s daily life.
Schizophrenia is characterized by some physical symptoms and some conditions taking place in the victim’s thoughts and action. The symptoms include delusion, hallucinations, disorganized thinking, speech and behavior, agitation, lack of initiative, social withdrawal, apathy, and emotional unresponsiveness.

Is this OK for the intro and symptoms? Thanks
-MC

  • Essay Writing -

    [Second part didn't post] Schizophrenia is characterized by some physical symptoms and some conditions taking place in the victim’s thoughts and action. The symptoms include delusion, hallucinations, disorganized thinking, speech and behavior, agitation, lack of initiative, social withdrawal, apathy, and emotional unresponsiveness.

    Is this OK for intro and symptoms?
    Thanks
    -MC

  • Essay Writing -

    The thesis is repetition. What do you want to write about?

    You already have these symptoms in the introduction. Either take this out of the intro or go into greater detail in this first paragraph.

  • Essay Writing -

    MC, you clearly are not writing an essay or you'd have a REAL thesis statement in there. Guru is right -- you have facts, but no focus, no essay.

    http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1245177624

    http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1245166994

  • Essay Writing -

    I agree there is a need for focus. Here, I wonder what the thesis is.

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