poem

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i fixed my narrative poem this time and i made it all rhyme. so can you check if its got sound this time? im sure it will be better than before. THANKS


The best of friends are john and fred
They understand even what is not said
they do homework together and never fight
but just hang out all day and night.

A girl named isabel is new at their school
she is funny and cool
she is sweet and cute
they both never fight or dispute.

soon they were competing for her heart
their friendship together went apart
running from each other and being mean
acting just like a regular teen.

this went on for a long time
until they saw her at lunch time
with a tall brown-haired boy
whom both despised for being a killjoy.

Soon they both saw how they've been bad
then they became really sad
it wasn't worth ruining their friendship
which taught then a valuable lesson on their whole trip.

They both were embarrassed for what they've done
none of it turned out fun
their friendship is very special
and destroying it was a loss.

They are tight friends again

  • poem -

    Capitalize proper names:
    The best of friends are john and fred = John and Fred

    As for rhythm, count the syllabes in each line; as you read it aloud, tap it out. For example this line is VERY long, compared to the other lines:

    A girl named isabel is new at their school (11 beats; you could shorten it = Isabel, new at their school (7 beats)

    The first word of each set needs to be capitalized!

    This is "ever so much better" but it does not rhyme at the end =

    their friendship is very special
    and destroying it was a loss.

    this special friendship was a loss
    so, Isabel they had to "toss" (anything to rhyme?)

    Do you want to leave the very last line all alone?

    Sra

  • poem -

    Thank you for all this I will change it all and improve it. But I think I'm just going to stick with the ending part unless you got anything for me. But still anyway thank you for all your help on this poem.

  • poem -

    You're welcome and best of luck!

    Sra

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