Heres what I have so far for the intro. of the novel. Let me know what you think and what needs to be fixed!
For as long as I or anyone else could remember, I was always an excellent girl. All the neighbors invited me for tea or lemonade when I passed by because I was a pleasant person to talk to; My teachers admired me and I was an example for all other students because of the grades I got; I was my parents’ only child and they were quite proud of me. Everything in my life was perfect, but soon all of that changed.
My name is Valerie and I live in the small town of Lakeview, Ohio. Lakeview is a very tiny town so basically everyone knows everyone else and if something happens, the whole town eventually finds out. I lived in Lakeview since the first day I opened my eyes and I’m now in the 9th grade so it’s been 15 years. I live with my parents in a comfortable house with 4 rooms which is a lot for us because I’m an only child. My parents never really spoiled me too much which I think is good but I’m not really missing much from my existence: great friends, great food, great parents, and basically a great life! Nothing much really happened with me, until a few weeks ago.
I don’t know how or why it happened but when I entered the second semester of 9th grade, I started feeling a little different. Just the past summer I was normal but somehow now this voice started coming in my mind. It was a deep voice, controlling, and you knew once you heard it that you had to obey it. Usually people would think the voices inside their heads were their own but since I’m a girl my voice isn’t deep so I know this voice was not my own. It didn’t sound like a man’s voice either, just something mysterious.
This voice in my head told me to do things that I would never do like start a fight by hitting someone for no reason or to just holler at people for the heck of it. It not only told me but I could kind of feel it taking over me, so it was hard to control sometimes. This voice was not only running my night’s sleep but my whole social and family life.
One day in school my teacher failed me in class because I wasn’t paying attention and failed a test. The voice sounded angry as ever. “How dare she give you an F Valerie? Of course you don’t deserve it. Go tell it to her: tell her to make you pass or the consequences won’t be good.”
As much as I tried to help it, the voice controlled me until I couldn’t help it. After class, when all the students were gone I approached her and screamed at her. She was of course shocked and without a word wrote a note to my parents and the principal. “I never expected this from you Valerie.” And with pursed lips she left the room. I could feel my heart beating very fast.
When I got home I gave the letter to my parents who were also very astonished. “Val, what happened to you? Not only did you fail a class but you also disrespected your teacher!”
“How could you threaten her like that? What’s gotten into you?”
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”
Thanks! -MC
All of it didn't come up; here's the rest.
My name is Valerie and I live in the small town of Lakeview, Ohio. Lakeview is a very tiny town so basically everyone knows everyone else and if something happens, the whole town eventually finds out. I lived in Lakeview since the first day I opened my eyes and I’m now in the 9th grade so it’s been 15 years. I live with my parents in a comfortable house with 4 rooms which is a lot for us because I’m an only child. My parents never really spoiled me too much which I think is good but I’m not really missing much from my existence: great friends, great food, great parents, and basically a great life! Nothing much really happened with me, until a few weeks ago.
I don’t know how or why it happened but when I entered the second semester of 9th grade, I started feeling a little different. Just the past summer I was normal but somehow now this voice started coming in my mind. It was a deep voice, controlling, and you knew once you heard it that you had to obey it. Usually people would think the voices inside their heads were their own but since I’m a girl my voice isn’t deep so I know this voice was not my own. It didn’t sound like a man’s voice either, just something mysterious.
This voice in my head told me to do things that I would never do like start a fight by hitting someone for no reason or to just holler at people for the heck of it. It not only told me but I could kind of feel it taking over me, so it was hard to control sometimes. This voice was not only running my night’s sleep but my whole social and family life.
One day in school my teacher failed me in class because I wasn’t paying attention and failed a test. The voice sounded angry as ever. “How dare she give you an F Valerie? Of course you don’t deserve it. Go tell it to her: tell her to make you pass or the consequences won’t be good.”
As much as I tried to help it, the voice controlled me until I couldn’t help it. After class, when all the students were gone I approached her and screamed at her. She was of course shocked and without a word wrote a note to my parents and the principal. “I never expected this from you Valerie.” And with pursed lips she left the room. I could feel my heart beating very fast.
When I got home I gave the letter to my parents who were also very astonished. “Val, what happened to you? Not only did you fail a class but you also disrespected your teacher!”
“How could you threaten her like that? What’s gotten into you?”
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”
I don’t know how or why it happened but when I entered the second semester of 9th grade, I started feeling a little different. Just the past summer I was normal but somehow now this voice started coming in my mind. It was a deep voice, controlling, and you knew once you heard it that you had to obey it. Usually people would think the voices inside their heads were their own but since I’m a girl my voice isn’t deep so I know this voice was not my own. It didn’t sound like a man’s voice either, just something mysterious.
This voice in my head told me to do things that I would never do like start a fight by hitting someone for no reason or to just holler at people for the heck of it. It not only told me but I could kind of feel it taking over me, so it was hard to control sometimes. This voice was not only running my night’s sleep but my whole social and family life.
One day in school my teacher failed me in class because I wasn’t paying attention and failed a test. The voice sounded angry as ever. “How dare she give you an F Valerie? Of course you don’t deserve it. Go tell it to her: tell her to make you pass or the consequences won’t be good.”
As much as I tried to help it, the voice controlled me until I couldn’t help it. After class, when all the students were gone I approached her and screamed at her. She was of course shocked and without a word wrote a note to my parents and the principal. “I never expected this from you Valerie.” And with pursed lips she left the room. I could feel my heart beating very fast.
When I got home I gave the letter to my parents who were also very astonished. “Val, what happened to you? Not only did you fail a class but you also disrespected your teacher!”
“How could you threaten her like that? What’s gotten into you?”
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”
This voice in my head told me to do things that I would never do like start a fight by hitting someone for no reason or to just holler at people for the heck of it. It not only told me but I could kind of feel it taking over me, so it was hard to control sometimes. This voice was not only running my night’s sleep but my whole social and family life.
One day in school my teacher failed me in class because I wasn’t paying attention and failed a test. The voice sounded angry as ever. “How dare she give you an F Valerie? Of course you don’t deserve it. Go tell it to her: tell her to make you pass or the consequences won’t be good.”
As much as I tried to help it, the voice controlled me until I couldn’t help it. After class, when all the students were gone I approached her and screamed at her. She was of course shocked and without a word wrote a note to my parents and the principal. “I never expected this from you Valerie.” And with pursed lips she left the room. I could feel my heart beating very fast.
When I got home I gave the letter to my parents who were also very astonished. “Val, what happened to you? Not only did you fail a class but you also disrespected your teacher!”
“How could you threaten her like that? What’s gotten into you?”
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”
One day in school my teacher failed me in class because I wasn’t paying attention and failed a test. The voice sounded angry as ever. “How dare she give you an F Valerie? Of course you don’t deserve it. Go tell it to her: tell her to make you pass or the consequences won’t be good.”
As much as I tried to help it, the voice controlled me until I couldn’t help it. After class, when all the students were gone I approached her and screamed at her. She was of course shocked and without a word wrote a note to my parents and the principal. “I never expected this from you Valerie.” And with pursed lips she left the room. I could feel my heart beating very fast.
When I got home I gave the letter to my parents who were also very astonished. “Val, what happened to you? Not only did you fail a class but you also disrespected your teacher!”
“How could you threaten her like that? What’s gotten into you?”
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”
As much as I tried to help it, the voice controlled me until I couldn’t help it. After class, when all the students were gone I approached her and screamed at her. She was of course shocked and without a word wrote a note to my parents and the principal. “I never expected this from you Valerie.” And with pursed lips she left the room. I could feel my heart beating very fast.
When I got home I gave the letter to my parents who were also very astonished. “Val, what happened to you? Not only did you fail a class but you also disrespected your teacher!”
“How could you threaten her like that? What’s gotten into you?”
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”
When I got home I gave the letter to my parents who were also very astonished. “Val, what happened to you? Not only did you fail a class but you also disrespected your teacher!”
“How could you threaten her like that? What’s gotten into you?”
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”
“How could you threaten her like that? What’s gotten into you?”
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”
That's all I have right now! Thanks -MC
Not only did you fail a class but you also disrespected your teacher!”
“How could you threaten her like that? What’s gotten into you?”
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”
That's all I've got for now. -MC
[the above post doesn't belong there]
That was exactly the question I couldn’t answer because I myself didn’t even know what had gotten into me. “You guys won’t understand. Just forget it.”
My dad didn’t think this was the right answer. “Then help us to!”
I didn’t feel like talking anymore so I left the room to go think by myself. Behind me I could hear their disapproving tones saying “Explain yourself!”