i wrote a sample sat essay... can you guys just give me some feedback as to how i should work to get my essays score higher?
PROMPT: IS THERE ALWAYS ANOTHER EXPLANATION OR POINT VIEW?
In this world, multiple points of views is inevitable. Though many might think that there is only one way, or a “fool proof plan” for everything, and that would make the world so much easier, but the truth is that there is always another way to figure it out. Using two personal episodes from my experiences, the “fool proof plan” theory can be proved wrong.
There are always many points of views. One day in my AP European History class, my teacher told us to all sit in or seats as she wheeled out a cart covered with a table cloth. When we were all seated, she revealed the cart, which was a display of rubber, ducks like a mountain maid from ducks. She then told us to draw the display. The final products, however, were all different because each person had a different point of view of the situation; what oh person sees may not be what the other person sees. She then related this to the documents for a Document Based Question type essay. For example, what would the difference be between a doctor and a patient concerning a medical malpractice lawsuit? Obviously the doctor would try to avoid it as the patient would pursue it because it favored the patient over the doctor. Every person would have a different view upon the situation and every person would approach a situation differently.
During book discussions in my Literature class, I would always debate issues with my neighbor Alena, because we had different point of views. In one of our books, As I Lay Dying there was one character, Vardaman, who I perceived as mentally ill, but Alena interpreted his lines in the book as “deep” and “philosophical” one statement Vardaman said was “my mother is a fish” I interpreted that as his lack of understanding of death because of his mental illness, but Alena thought it had a deeper meaning, that he says these things because he has an inner character that is undiscovered. Now obviously, we both disagree and there is no right answer to a book interpretation. This example shows that depending on the person, and their point of view, will determine a separate and different product.
There will always be “another explanation” I don’t believe anything is set in stone. The world would be too simple if there was only one way to do everything, and so far, as I described in my two events in class, it doesn’t matter what the situation is, there will always be numerous points of views.
There are always many points of views. One day in my AP European History class, my teacher told us to all sit in or seats as she wheeled out a cart covered with a table cloth. When we were all seated, she revealed the cart, which was a display of rubber, ducks like a mountain maid from ducks. She then told us to draw the display. The final products, however, were all different because each person had a different point of view of the situation; what oh person sees may not be what the other person sees. She then related this to the documents for a Document Based Question type essay. For example, what would the difference be between a doctor and a patient concerning a medical malpractice lawsuit? Obviously the doctor would try to avoid it as the patient would pursue it because it favored the patient over the doctor. Every person would have a different view upon the situation and every person would approach a situation differently.
During book discussions in my Literature class, I would always debate issues with my neighbor Alena, because we had different point of views. In one of our books, As I Lay Dying there was one character, Vardaman, who I perceived as mentally ill, but Alena interpreted his lines in the book as “deep” and “philosophical” one statement Vardaman said was “my mother is a fish” I interpreted that as his lack of understanding of death because of his mental illness, but Alena thought it had a deeper meaning, that he says these things because he has an inner character that is undiscovered. Now obviously, we both disagree and there is no right answer to a book interpretation. This example shows that depending on the person, and their point of view, will determine a separate and different product.
There will always be “another explanation” I don’t believe anything is set in stone. The world would be too simple if there was only one way to do everything, and so far, as I described in my two events in class, it doesn’t matter what the situation is, there will always be numerous points of views.
THANKS!!!
I think it would have been better if you looked deeper. You discussed points of view, but never addressed the fallacy of the fool proof plan. Your writing is wordy. Your statement on Alena.." I would always debate issues...because we had different points of views". Hmmm.This somewhat indicates to my you are centric on your viewpoint, countering the thesis you established.
Overall, wordy, lacked a central thesis. The conclusion is weak. I suspect you can do better.
Mark: 3
Overall, your essay addresses the prompt by exploring the idea that there are multiple points of view and explanations for various situations. To improve your essay and potentially score higher, consider the following feedback:
1. Structure: Organize your essay into proper paragraphs to enhance readability. Each paragraph should contain a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
2. Clarity: Some sentences in your essay appear to be incomplete or lacking clarity. Revise these sentences to ensure they convey your thoughts effectively. For instance, "what oh person sees may not be what the other person sees" could be rewritten as "what one person sees may differ from what another person sees."
3. Add more examples: While your AP European History class and literature discussions are good examples, consider expanding your essay by including additional examples from different areas of life. This will showcase the universality of multiple points of view.
4. Language and vocabulary: Vary your vocabulary and sentence structures to add depth and sophistication to your essay. Use precise language to express your ideas more effectively.
5. Depth of analysis: While your examples illustrate different perspectives, try to delve deeper into the implications of these different viewpoints. Analyze how these perspectives influence our understanding of events, issues, and the world around us. This depth of analysis will demonstrate a higher level of thinking and analysis, which is valued in the SAT essay.
6. Conclusion: Conclude your essay by summarizing your main points and connecting them back to the prompt. Consider sharing your own perspective on the topic while acknowledging the existence of multiple viewpoints.
Remember, practice is key to improving your essay writing skills. Try writing more essays within the time limit to gain proficiency and develop your own writing style. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from teachers, tutors, or peers to further refine your writing.