The following essay is meant to be one of opinion. In it, I am trying to express my opinion on President Obama and his plans for our country. Can you please read it over and tell me what you think of it? Are there any mistakes; what parts do I need to revise? I would appreciate any constructive criticism. Thank you in advance.
These are the first two paragraphs:
January 20, 2009 is a date that will not soon be forgotten. On that day, former Senator Barack Hussein Obama was inaugurated the forty-forth president of our great country, the United States of America. His inauguration will forever hold a place in our nation’s history. On that day, America took a significant step forward and history was made. With our nation in the midst of an economic crisis, Obama is a promising leader and source of hope for the future.
Obama has campaigned on the promise of fixing the current financial crisis, which is the worst in a century. Our weak economy is a result of greed and irresponsibility. President Obama plans to restore the economy by taxing the excessive profits of oil companies. This will provide American families with $1,000 tax rebate that will help them pay for the rising energy bills. In addition, Obama plans to give $25 billion to a fund that will prevent cuts in various forms of public assistance. He will give a further $25 billion to a fund intended to prevent expected cuts of more than a million jobs. My family will benefit from the $1,000 tax rebate. I think that trying to prevent job cuts is extremely important. I approve of this plan and think it will be successful.
*"Obama has campaigned..." is the start of my second paragraph
January 20, 2009 is a date that will not soon be forgotten. On that day, former Senator Barack Hussein Obama was inaugurated the forty-forth president of our great country, the United States of America. His inauguration will forever hold a place in our nation’s history. On that day, America took a significant step forward and history was made. With our nation in the midst of an economic crisis, Obama is a promising leader and source of hope for the future.
Obama has campaigned on the promise of fixing the current financial crisis, which is the worst in a century. Our weak economy is a result of greed and irresponsibility. President Obama plans to restore the economy by taxing the excessive profits of oil companies. This will provide American families with $1,000 tax rebate that will help them pay for the rising energy bills. In addition, Obama plans to give $25 billion to a fund that will prevent cuts in various forms of public assistance. He will give a further $25 billion to a fund intended to prevent expected cuts of more than a million jobs. My family will benefit from the $1,000 tax rebate. I think that trying to prevent job cuts is extremely important as well. I approve of this plan and think it will be successful.
Another problem is health care. With medical costs on the rise, basic healthcare is becoming unaffordable for average families. This is not only an economic concern, but also a moral concern. President Obama has promised to establish a new health insurance plan that is affordable. Obama also intends to promote public health by paying for such methods as cancer screenings. He will also increase state and local preparedness for terrorist attacks and natural disasters. I have no doubt that this will benefit everyone.
Another problem is health care. With medical costs on the rise, basic healthcare is becoming unaffordable for average families. This is not only an economic concern, but also a moral concern. President Obama has promised to establish a new health insurance plan that is affordable. Obama also intends to promote public health by paying for such methods as cancer screenings. He will also increase state and local preparedness for terrorist attacks and natural disasters. I have no doubt that this will benefit everyone.
After reviewing your essay, here are some suggestions for revision and constructive feedback:
1. Clarity and Organization: The first two paragraphs provide a brief introduction to the topic, but they lack clarity and organization. It would be helpful to include a clear thesis statement or main argument that expresses your opinion on President Obama and his plans for the country. This will give readers a clear understanding of your viewpoint from the very beginning. Additionally, consider reorganizing the paragraphs to create a more logical flow of ideas.
2. Evidence and Reasoning: While you express your support for President Obama's plans, it would be more effective to provide specific evidence and reasoning to support your opinion. Include facts, statistics, or examples that demonstrate why you believe these plans will be successful and beneficial for the nation. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
3. Proofreading: There are a few typographical errors and minor grammatical issues in the text. It's important to proofread your essay carefully to ensure the content is presented accurately and professionally. Consider revising sentences for clarity and improving the overall coherence of your writing.
4. Balance: While it's perfectly acceptable to express your opinion in an essay, strive for balance by acknowledging potential counterarguments or opposing viewpoints. This will show that you have considered different perspectives and can strengthen your argument by addressing potential weaknesses.
Overall, the essay shows potential, but it could benefit from further development and refinement. Consider incorporating these suggestions to enhance the clarity, coherence, and persuasiveness of your argument.