English

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Can you suggest/comment on my poem?



Death and Liquorice

It is funny how everyone sees me,
As a looming ghost above their head
In fact we have never met before
Yet they still anticipate me with dread.

What I do I do as a professional
Employed by the great circle of life
Every human is my loyal customer
Including you, man and man’s wife.

At the time our paths do finally cross
We both know that the time has come
For you to part with the living world
And then my work with you is done.

Usually when I arrive you are lying
Upon your back, waiting and silent
Sometimes you scream blue murder
Which ever way, I remain indifferent.

In doing my job, I look for a colour,
one that suits the life you have led
the saddened are blue, the lonely grey
the unlucky purple, the angry red.

Liquorice black is my favourite colour
These people are the easiest to free
For emotionless, empty are their souls
They remind myself too much of me.

  • English -

    really good but a little creepy. ya might wanna tone it down a little. its really good though

  • English -

    Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. The spelling you used for "liquorice" is a British variation of "licorice." That was interesting.
    Main Entry: li·quo·rice
    chiefly British variant of licorice

    Is this what you really meant to say: "Which ever way?" Perhaps it is the space there. (Whichever...)

    As for the poem, I think you did an outstanding job!

    Sra

  • English -

    The Kenning technique- im not sure that i get this:
    teacher: stepmother?
    busdriver:
    firemen:
    television: information box
    meatloaf:
    police: law keepers
    poptart: breakfast food
    music: great noise
    love:
    computer: touch information
    I don't know, any suggestions?

  • English -

    Please see the "new post" I just put up for you.

    Sra

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