Could someone please let me know if I am on the right track with this paragraph and feel free to critique me very strictly as my instructor will do.
My assignment was to explain what is in whole blood and what is the purpose of red cells,platelets and plasma. I must explain in 150-200 words.I also must explain it in a way a blood donor would understand.
"Whole blood contains red blood cells, platelets, white blood cells and plasma. The components of whole blood have many functions within the body. Plasma serves as varied amount of functions such as helping maintain a healthy blood pressure. Plasma helps maintain a balance within the body by getting rid of metabolic waste to the kidneys and exchanging vital minerals which includes sodium and potassium. Plasma also provides critical proteins for immunity and blood clotting. Red blood cells contain hemoglobin which is a protein that helps carry oxygen to the lungs and arteries within the body. Hemoglobin also gives blood its red color. Platelet within the whole blood has a very vital function. Platelets help prevent excessive blood loss if a trauma was to occur. Platelets also prevent blood vessel leakage that would occur in the course of typical activities. Platelets stick to the lining of blood vessels and help prevent blood clotting as well."
It looks like you have covered the prompt. You might like to combine some sentences so you don't have to repeat the main noun as many times (complex sentences.) These two sentences need another look:
Platelet within the whole blood has a very vital function. = Is this not better with a plural subject = Platelets have...?
Platelets help prevent excessive blood loss if a trauma was to occur. = Because of the "if clause" the Subjunctive is better = if a trauma were to occur.
Sra
Your paragraph provides a good overview of the components of whole blood and their functions. Here is a breakdown of your paragraph for further analysis:
1. Whole blood contains red blood cells, platelets, white blood cells, and plasma.
- This sentence provides a clear and concise explanation of what is included in whole blood.
2. Plasma serves multiple functions, such as maintaining healthy blood pressure, balancing bodily fluids, and exchanging important minerals.
- This sentence explains the various roles of plasma, which is helpful for a blood donor to understand why it is important.
3. Plasma also provides critical proteins for immunity and blood clotting.
- This sentence highlights additional functions of plasma, which illustrate its significance in the body.
4. Red blood cells contain hemoglobin, a protein that carries oxygen and gives blood its red color.
- This sentence effectively describes the primary purpose of red blood cells and their association with oxygen transport.
5. Platelets play a crucial role in preventing excessive blood loss and blood vessel leakage.
- This sentence explains the vital function of platelets, such as their ability to prevent excessive bleeding and maintain blood vessel integrity.
6. Platelets also help prevent blood clotting.
- This sentence briefly mentions an additional function of platelets, which is important to note.
Overall, your paragraph provides a clear explanation of the components of whole blood and their purposes. You have covered the required information and expressed it in a way that a blood donor can understand. One suggestion for improvement would be to expand on the functions of white blood cells, as they are also an essential component of whole blood and play a vital role in the immune system.