english- please revise
posted by rose .
Consider this scenario: Deana recently decided to start attending college, yet her family is criticizing her decision. They argue that she should focus on working so she can start
earning money. When she begins school, they fear she will not have as much time to spend with family. Not to mention, her family worries that college will change Deana— that she will become too “mainstream.” As the first person in her family to pursue higher education, Deana thinks her family members have a prejudicial attitude towards higher education and that they should accept her decision.
Post your response to these questions: If you were Deana, how would you address your family’s criticisms of and attitudes about higher education? How would you dispel their fears, and try to convince family members that going to college is a worthwhile endeavor?
If I were Deana, I would have a conversation with my family and help them understand the benefit of higher education. In order to dispel their fears, I will talk to my family and reassure them that higher education will not change my attitude and feelings towards them. I would help them understand that I am only doing this for myself but also to be better equipped to support the family situation. Nowadays, a college degree is required to earn a decent living. Although, it is not always a requirement to get a job but it does have an important role in the salary determination
A couple of mechanical corrections:
~~In this sentence, you need to add the word "not" before "only" -- ...that I am only doing this for myself but also to be better equipped...
~~In this sentence, move the comma so it's after "job" instead of after "although" and delete the word "but." Although, it is not always a requirement to get a job but it does have an important role...