This is my finished rough draft: (Please proofread)
I have had many relationships throughout my life that have helped to build my character. Everything I have gone through and everyone I’ve encountered in my life has made me who I am today. These relationships and experiences are very important to me.
One of my relationships is with my family. My mom and dad are the biggest contributors to shaping my character. They have taught me morals my entire life. They instilled in me good values that make up my character. I have them to thank for the person I am today.
My relationship with my Grandma is a very important part of my character building. My other three grandparents passed away before I was born and when I was younger, so my Grandma is very important and special to me. She’s been a key person in developing my character. Just like my parents, my Grandma has taught me virtues such as respect and responsibility. She’s taught me the importance of service to others as well.
My friends are a vital ingredient in my character. They are an important part of who I am. We know each other really well and have contributed to each other’s character. We’re constantly learning and growing, but the important thing is that we’re doing it together. We support each other and are always there for one another. We exemplify outstanding character traits to the best of our abilities each day of our lives. One trait is respect. My friends and I show respect for each other, our teachers, our peers, and the Earth, just to name a few. We also show care for the people around us. We serve others as a way to be more like Jesus and to give back to our community. We are honest with each other. Everyday, we grow into more responsible and compassionate young adults.
The relationships I’ve had so far in my life have been huge factors in developing my character. I am who I am today especially because of the relationships I have with my mom, dad, Grandma, and friends. I am forever grateful to them for their influence on myself.
Thanks for reading this! Please give me feedback- it would be most helpful! Thanks again
Ok, Anon... one BIG suggestion... there is a lot of repetition and no real specifics. See if you can think of one exact time, something someone said, something someone did....tell that story. That will make your essay much more meaningful and much more interesting.
You also need to run a spell check to make sure no words are spelled incorrectly
Overall, your rough draft looks good! Here are a few suggestions for improvement:
1. Clarify and proofread: You have a few small errors and unclear sentences throughout your draft. For example, the sentence "Everything I have gone through and everyone I’ve encountered in my life has made me who I am today" may need to be rewritten for clarity. Take some time to proofread your draft and make sure everything is clear and error-free.
2. Provide specific examples: While you mention the importance of your relationships with your family, Grandma, and friends, it would be helpful to provide specific examples of how these relationships have impacted your character. For instance, how have your parents taught you morals? What specific virtues has your Grandma instilled in you? How have your friends supported and influenced your growth? Adding specific anecdotes or examples can make your writing more engaging and convincing.
3. Organize your ideas: Consider organizing your ideas into paragraphs to make your writing more structured and cohesive. For example, you could have a separate paragraph for each relationship you mention, and within each paragraph, provide examples and explanations of how these relationships have shaped your character.
4. Reflect on personal growth: In addition to describing how your relationships have influenced you, consider reflecting on how you have personally grown as a result of these relationships. Have you overcome challenges? Have you developed new skills or qualities? Reflecting on your personal growth adds depth and introspection to your writing.
5. Seek feedback from others: While I can provide feedback on your draft, it can also be helpful to seek feedback from others, such as a teacher, classmate, or family member. They may offer different perspectives and suggestions for improvement.
Overall, your initial draft is a good starting point. By clarifying your ideas, providing specific examples, organizing your thoughts, reflecting on personal growth, and seeking feedback, you can further enhance your writing. Good luck!