My instructor suggested that I simplify the essay, so I can easily get my point across. Meanwhile, the feedback received from my peer reviewer was valid and will help me better my expository essay. The things that I will put in practice are the following: A statistic that will attract the attention of the audience and to make sure that all terms are more explicit.
The Center For Writing Excellence has suggested changes in grammar and style in order for the paper to be accurate and grammatically correct.
By using these feedbacks, my expository essay will capture and hold the attention of the audience. Also, I chose not to use the feedback on “the material that does not feet the main point of the essay” because in my research I found out that the falling American dollar and credit woes in the secondary mortgage market has a lot to do with the increase of gas and oil prices
Sorry, but what is your question here?
To simplify your essay and make your point clearer, here are the steps you can follow:
1. Identify your main point: Review your essay and determine the key message or argument that you want to convey to your audience. This will help you stay focused and eliminate any unnecessary information.
2. Remove irrelevant material: As you mentioned, your instructor suggested removing material that does not fit the main point of your essay. In your research, you found a connection between the falling American dollar, credit woes in the secondary mortgage market, and the increase in gas and oil prices. If this connection helps support your main point, then it is relevant and should be included. However, if it doesn't directly contribute to your main argument, it might be best to remove it to maintain clarity and focus.
3. Incorporate statistics: It's important to grab your audience's attention early on. One effective way is to include a compelling statistic that relates to your topic. Research relevant statistics that highlight the significance or impact of your subject matter. Introduce the statistic in an engaging manner to catch your readers' attention and emphasize the importance of your essay's main point.
4. Make terms explicit: To ensure clarity in your essay, avoid using jargon or complex terms that your audience may not understand. Instead, define and explain any necessary terms in a clear and concise manner. This will help your readers follow your argument and comprehend your ideas more easily.
5. Grammar and style improvements: The Center for Writing Excellence has suggested changes in grammar and style for accuracy and correctness. Take their feedback into consideration and make the necessary revisions. This will enhance the overall quality of your essay and make it more polished and professional.
By implementing these suggestions, your revised expository essay will have a better chance of capturing and holding the attention of your audience. Remember to stay focused on your main point, include relevant statistics, and ensure clarity in your language.