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According to CCMS, the small size of this school helps the downtown urban community meet their needs, in particular at-risk students from low-income households because the students are given more individual attention by faculty members. As a small charter school, CCMS promotes a tight-knit family environment to their students

*these are two sentences from an essay I'm typing. I would like someone to proofread them to see if they my sentences are clear and understandable.

  • proofread -

    or should I say this instead of my last sentence above.

    As a small charter school, CCMS promotes a tight-knit family environment where teachers help bring parents, families, and the community inside the students’ educational circle.

  • proofread -

    According to CCMS, the small size of this school helps the downtown urban community meet their needs<~~"meet their needs" is such an overused, common phrase that you need to be MUCH more specific in explaining it; what follows is still quite general~~>, in particular at-risk students from low-income households because the students are given more individual attention by faculty members. As a small charter school, CCMS promotes a tight-knit family environment where teachers help bring parents, families, and the community inside the students’ educational circle. <~~This sentence is better, yes.

    If this is in your conclusion, and detailed explanation of what "meet their needs" means has been given in the body of the paper, then this is fine. Otherwise, there needs to be much clarification of that vague, general sentence.

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