I read the stories about her
I discover her dark past
Some things are hard to believe
To know what she has been through
All the challanges she has faced
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never seen her before
I don’t know what to say
Now that I know what I know
What do you think of the poem? How can I make it better?
I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say
As I stare at the screen
I think about what I should say
My mind draws a blank
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said
I read the stories about her
I discover her dark past
Some things are hard to believe
To know what she has been through
All the challanges she has faced
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never seen her before
I don’t know what to say
Now that I know what I know
This part reads better, smoother than before.
What do you think of the poem? How can I make it better?
I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say <~~how can you shorten this line?
As I stare at the screen
I think about what I should say
My mind draws a blank
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said
Other than that one line, it reads pretty well. And the message is very clear. The only other thing I could suggest is to go through and put in some punctuation; sometimes that helps to smoothe things out, too.
I read the stories about her
I discover her dark past
Some things are hard to believe
To know what she has been through
All the challanges she has faced
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never seen her before
I don’t know what to say
Now that I know what I know
I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say
As I stare at the screen
I think about what I should say
My mind draws a blank
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said
I read the stories about her
I discover her dark past
Some things are hard to believe
To know what she has been through
All the challanges she has faced
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never seen her before
I don’t know what to say
Now that I know what I know
I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel I need to be careful about my words
As I stare at the screen
I think about what I should say
My mind draws a blank
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said
Better and better!
One spelling error -- challenges
=)
The poem seems to be expressing a sense of discovery and uncertainty in understanding someone's past and how it changes the narrator's perception of them. To make it better, here are a few suggestions:
1. Expand on the details: To create a stronger connection with the reader, consider providing more specific examples or details about the "dark past" and the challenges she has faced. This will give the reader a better understanding of the narrator's transformation.
2. Use descriptive language: Enhancing the poem's imagery will help paint a clearer picture for the reader. Consider using descriptive words and metaphors that capture the emotional journey and the changes in perception.
3. Create a structure: Organizing the poem into stanzas or sections can help guide the reader through the narrative and emotional progression. This will also make the poem visually appealing and easier to read.
4. Show, don't tell: Instead of simply stating the emotions, try to bring them to life by using sensory language and vivid descriptions. Show the reader how the narrator's mind draws a blank, how they feel as they stare at the screen, and how they regret deleting the message.
By incorporating these suggestions, you can create a more engaging and emotionally impactful poem. Remember, poetry is a personal expression, and revisions should align with your own unique voice and style.