Give me suggestions on the Change over Time Essay, or Changes and Continuities Essay. I am more interested on the content and whether or not I covered the requirements. Below the essay is a rubric. Provide me tips on what to improve, expand, etc. Feel free to provide me some examples or give me topics/subjects to elaborate on. Also, give me examples or additional info i can include in my paper in terms of historical content.
The prompt is:
From 600-1450, many trade systems developed that connected regions within Afro-Eurasia. Historians argue that several political, social, and economic events caused changes in the trading systems, but they debate which events affected global trade systems the most. [[ANALYZE]] how the spread of religions and the expansion of post-classical empires affected trade systems from 600-1450.
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Trade systems from the post-classical period of 600-1450 had a profound influence from the component events of political, social, and economic within Afro-Eurasia. Changes from the empire and events, specifically migrations and conquests, which pertains to the political and social aspects were able to thrive due to the effective powerhouses and the implementations of the conquerors of that time. On the other hand, economically speaking, trading was extensive to the point that from antiquity to now continues to keep growing. To better understand the changes of the trade networks, one must first comprehend the background information prior to the trade systems.
With Ghana and Mali empires that thrived with wealth specifically from the plentiful amount of gold, migrations, and conquests, trading was more common than ever. Because Mali was a commercial site that was a center for trade in gold, it immediately thrived with prospect, and communications from near and far were customary. In addition, the Mongols conquered China; though, they were seen as savage, these people were able to make trading more effective by preventing bandits from entering the Silk Roads. The Mongols made trading easier and safer; thus, merchants and consumers were both engaged in the act of trading and exchanging goods and products. As a result, trading was greater than before. Furthermore, the Bantu migrations caused a large number of people to roam elsewhere, and they soon were active in swapping over goods with one another. However, over time, the empires were set to decline, and this may be a result of the peoples’ divided loyalty to separate kings rather than to states. Moreover, empires of the Mongols were declining partially because of the raids and of the rulers.
Still, economically speaking, expansion of Silk Roads, trans-Saharan routes, and Indian Ocean routes, paper money, and lateen sails were momentous factors that led to trading activities. With accessible routes that deemed to be safe, it highly piqued explorers to engage in explorations and voyages. The technology of the lateen sails, which permitted ships to travel in any path in spite of the wind direction, whetted explorer’s curiosity. Thus, it caused numerous explorations, and through these events, trading with other exotic goods or from other foreign locations seemed to be ordinary. As of Ibn Battuta, he wanted to spread the belief of Islam. Through explorations, the pious individual was able to carry products and his faith along the waters to share with others, which was his central motive. The paper money did not increase trade; however, it did made trading much more efficient simply because the currency was light and compact enough to carry around. The usage of trade routes and commercial relations continued to grow, since it helped balanced the economy. The maritime trade in the Indian Ocean and the trans-Saharan routes introduced regions, on a completely new level, to trading involvement with the hemispheric network.
Similarly to the political feature, social changes of diseases and structure trading networks of the post-classical period. The Black Death, or the bubonic plague, was brought by the means of trade. It affected luxury and caused labor shortages. Thus, labor was in high demand, since it was significant to keep the economy running. However, powers were not balanced equality in part of the economic and political conditions caused by the Heian era. Cultivation and income rights were strained from the lower class who must obey their lords or the people in charge. As a result, trading was used sporadically compared to the activities that occurred in the empires of Ghana or Mali. Although, there was greater resistance to diseases, trading was impacted by the changes that revolved around this time period.
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SCORING RUBRIC (*NOTE ANY FEATURES I MISSED OR DID NOT FULLY DISCUSS)
1. Has acceptable thesis
(Addresses the global issues and the time period specifiied)
2. Addresses all parts of the question, though not necesarily evenly or thoroughly
3. Susbtantiates thesis with appropriate historical eveidence
4. Uses releveant world historial context effectively to explain change over time and/or continuity
5. Analyzes the process of change over time and/or continuity
1. Has acceptable thesis
(Addresses the global issues and the time period specifiied) true; I still think that intro is upside-down, however.
2. Addresses all parts of the question, though not necesarily evenly or thoroughly true
3. Susbtantiates thesis with appropriate historical eveidence true
4. Uses releveant world historial context effectively to explain change over time and/or continuity true
5. Analyzes the process of change over time and/or continuity true
You still need to go through the entire paper and make sure every clause has an identifiable subject and a verb that agrees with it. This sentence has major problems:
Changes from the empire and events, specifically migrations and conquests, which pertains to the political and social aspects were able to thrive due to the effective powerhouses and the implementations of the conquerors of that time.
...due to the effective powerhouses... <~~should be "because of the effective..." not "due to"
You need to make sure that all words are used appropriately.
...it immediately thrived with prospect... <~~what does "with prospect" mean?
Make sure all verbs are used correctly:
...that were deemed to be safe...
and
...trading was impacted by the changes... <~~should be "trading was affected by the changes" (not impacted!)
Make sure there are not vague uses of the word "it" -- check them all and make sure there's a clear reference or antecedent for each one.
Overall, your essay addresses the prompt and covers the required content. You discuss the spread of religions and the expansion of post-classical empires and how they affected trade systems from 600-1450.
To improve your essay and meet the rubric requirements, here are some suggestions:
1. Thesis: Although you have an acceptable thesis that addresses the global issues and time period, consider making it more explicit and specific. Clearly state how the spread of religions and the expansion of post-classical empires affected trade systems. For example, "The spread of religions and the expansion of post-classical empires from 600-1450 had a significant impact on trade systems by facilitating cultural exchange, creating new trade routes, and influencing economic policies."
2. Address all parts of the question: You do address all parts of the question, but could provide more in-depth analysis for each aspect. For example, instead of briefly mentioning the impacts of political and social changes on trade systems, provide specific examples and evidence to support your analysis. Discuss how migrations and conquests facilitated trade, and how the decline of empires affected trading activities.
3. Substantiate thesis with historical evidence: While you provide some historical examples, try to include more specific and detailed evidence to support your thesis. For example, when discussing the impact of the Mongols on trade, provide specific examples of how they ensured the safety of the Silk Roads and improved trading conditions.
4. Use relevant world historical context: Your essay mentions some historical context, such as the Ghana and Mali empires, the Bantu migrations, and the Heian era. To enhance your analysis, provide additional historical context to show a deeper understanding of the time period. For example, discuss the impact of the Crusades on trade systems or the influence of Islamic Golden Age on the spread of religions and trade networks.
5. Analyze the process of change over time: While you mention some changes that occurred over time, it would be beneficial to analyze these changes in greater detail. For example, discuss how trade routes evolved and expanded, how trade practices and technologies changed, or how economic priorities shifted throughout the post-classical period.
In terms of expanding your content and including additional historical information, here are some suggestions:
- Discuss the impact of the Tang and Song dynasties in China on trade systems, particularly the development of the Grand Canal and the use of paper money.
- Analyze the role of the Islamic Caliphates, such as the Abbasids and Umayyads, in facilitating trade and cultural exchange between the Middle East, Africa, and Europe.
- Explore the influence of the Byzantine Empire and its control over the Eastern Mediterranean on trade networks.
- Examine the impact of the Indian Ocean trade network and the rise of maritime trade on global trade systems.
- Discuss the role of the Silk Roads in connecting different regions and facilitating the exchange of goods, ideas, and religions.
- Analyze the impact of the Crusades and the Mongol Empire on trade systems and cultural exchange.
- Discuss the emergence of new trade technologies, such as the compass and astrolabe, and how they revolutionized long-distance trade.
By including more specific examples, analyzing changes over time, and incorporating additional historical context, you will strengthen your essay and meet the rubric requirements more effectively.