please revize my essay
Nowadays, everything revolves around technology. For many students technology has become an indispensible source of information. I’m amazed how television, cell phones, and the internet, manage to influence my life on a daily basis. Technology provides many advantages in a student’s academic life, but unfortunately it also creates plenty of disadvantages.
In fact, in today’s world access to a computer and the internet has become such an essential aspect of a student’s life. I spend most of my “free time” doing homework; I use the internet mostly to study, spending an equal amount of time in the library and the computer lab. The internet provides me with a faster, more efficient way to work with classmates outside the classroom. Using the mouse on my computer, with the point and click function, I have access to a flood of information, allowing me the ability to send and receive messages, notes, letters, documents, pictures, videos, and course material to other classmates. At the same time, the internet significantly enhances my learning process. The availability of the internet gives me the opportunity to access information and ensure or correct my interpretation of in-class discussions. On some occasions, I leave a classroom without a clear understanding of what was discussed. Using the internet as a tool, through online tutoring I can independently work on more complex exercises, at my own pace and on my own time.
Both student and teacher rely on the internet for research and communication. Everyday I wake up and check my e-mail. I use email to communicate with teachers and check on assignments. E-mail, in my opinion, is an advantage because it acts as an electronic extension of classroom teaching. I can contact instructors to ask for help on homework, submit my work and get feedback on papers. In addition, the internet provides me with access to my university’s website, a website that offers important information and access to a variety of student’s services. These student services include Library Database, Academic Advising, Financial Aid Assistance, and the availability to register for classes. Access to this website is a great advantage that makes my life easier. For example, I no longer have to waste time waiting in line in search for academic advising. I simply contact my advisor through email, place questions, and patiently wait in the comfort of my home for a response. Either day or night from or off campus, online connection to the university’s website provides access to class registration. This facilitates the registration process allowing me to carefully choose my classes at a convenient time. Although Student Services are put online for the convenience of a student, however, it is also harmful to the overall College experience.
The obvious downfall to technology is the lack of human interaction and its addictiveness. “Facebook”, for example, is a social network website, that has quickly become a focus of a student’s social life. “Facebook” is the most popular tool in college campuses for procrastination. I personally spend hours each day analyzing the profiles and actions of other students, even if I do not know them. It becomes and illness, addicted to something that should have little importance, but yet it sucks you down and it won’t let go. Being online takes up time away from sleep, social contact, academics and even eating. These effects lead to headaches, lack of concentration, and tiredness.
In fact many students around campus and the country now spend so much time on social networking sites that they forget about more important things as homework and extracurricular activities
Cellular phones are both cultural and a technological trend. They make our daily lives easier and give us the opportunity for instant connection at all times. Cell phones affect the way we students live and how we plan things. It seems as if you can input your whole life into your phone. From text messaging, games, scheduling and music cell phones provide instant communication, but also plenty of distractions. Students like to have their cell phones with them at all times. Cell phones create a distraction when working on homework, having to answer a ringing phone. During class, ringing cell phones interrupts class discussions creating a distraction for students and instructors. Although cell phones do create distractions for students, they can help if you’re in a compromising situation such as a car accident.
In conclusion, I think technology will continue to be a part of my academics, since it affects a large portion of my life. Today, students have become so reliant on technology that we depend on it as the end to our problems. The internet can be a good thing, but when traditional ways are given up completely, it can lead to negative consequences. Furthermore cell phones have made its way in our daily habits and it’s now a common part of our culture. Perhaps and most importantly, technology is forming a new society. A whole new academic setting that it’s quickly evolving. Technology based students are a reality on today’s college campus’s. It’s not a question of whether or not the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Rather the influence of technology has become an essential in teaching and learning, therefore students are face with the challenge of keeping up with technology in order to further advance in our academic life and pursue a career.
Nowadays, everything revolves around technology. For many students technology has become an indispensible source of information. I’m amazed how television, cell phones, and the internet, manage to influence my life on a daily basis. Technology provides many advantages in a student’s academic life, but unfortunately it also creates plenty of disadvantages. Are you referring to technology in the US? or the US and Europe and Japan? or where? Surely you don't mean in the entire world -- especially when you consider the huge numbers of people in various places in the world who DON'T have electronic stuff! Also, be sure to check on UNNEEDED commas. And the word "Internet" needs a capital I -- http://www.answers.com/internet?cat=technology
In fact, in today’s world access to a computer and the internet has become such an essential aspect of a student’s life. I spend most of my “free time” doing homework; I use the internet mostly to study, spending an equal amount of time in the library and the computer lab. The internet provides me with a faster, more efficient way to work with classmates outside the classroom. Using the mouse on my computer, with the point and click function, I have access to a flood of information, allowing me the ability to send and receive messages, notes, letters, documents, pictures, videos, and course material to other classmates. At the same time, the internet significantly enhances my learning process. The availability of the internet gives me the opportunity to access information and ensure or correct my interpretation of in-class discussions. On some occasions, I leave a classroom without a clear understanding of what was discussed. Using the internet as a tool, through online tutoring I can independently work on more complex exercises, at my own pace and on my own time.
Both student and teacher rely on the internet for research and communication. Everyday I wake up and check my e-mail. I use email to communicate with teachers and check on assignments. E-mail, in my opinion, is an advantage because it acts as an electronic extension of classroom teaching. I can contact instructors to ask for help on homework, submit my work and get feedback on papers. In addition, the internet provides me with access to my university’s website, a website that offers important information and access to a variety of student’s services. These student services include Library Database, Academic Advising, Financial Aid Assistance, and the availability to register for classes. Access to this website is a great advantage that makes my life easier. For example, I no longer have to waste time waiting in line in search for academic advising. I simply contact my advisor through email, place questions, and patiently wait in the comfort of my home for a response. Either day or night from or off campus, online connection to the university’s website provides access to class registration. This facilitates the registration process allowing me to carefully choose my classes at a convenient time. Although Student Services are put online for the convenience of a student, however, it is also harmful to the overall College experience. What's the difference between "everyday" and "every day"? Unless you're naming a particular college, no capital C is needed.
The obvious downfall to<~~?? technology is the lack of human interaction and its addictiveness. “Facebook”, for example, is a social network website, that has quickly become a focus of a student’s social life. “Facebook” is the most popular tool in college campuses for procrastination. I personally spend hours each day analyzing the profiles and actions of other students, even if I do not know them. It becomes and<~~?? illness, addicted to something that should have little importance, but yet it sucks you down and it won’t let go. Being online takes up time away from sleep, social contact, academics and even eating. These effects lead to headaches, lack of concentration, and tiredness. "I personally" is redundant; end quotation marks go AFTER a comma or period; beware of using slang (such as "sucks"); beware of using second person when all your paper up to now has been in first person.
In fact many students around campus and the country now spend so much time on social networking sites that they forget about more important things as homework and extracurricular activities
Cellular phones are both cultural and a technological trend. They make our daily lives easier and give us the opportunity for instant connection at all times. Cell phones affect the way we students live and how we plan things. It seems as if you can input your whole life into your phone. From text messaging, games, scheduling and music cell phones provide instant communication, but also plenty of distractions. Students like to have their cell phones with them at all times. Cell phones create a distraction when working on homework, having to answer a ringing phone. During class, ringing cell phones interrupts class discussions creating a distraction for students and instructors. Although cell phones do create distractions for students, they can help if you’re in a compromising situation such as a car accident. Again, check on getting rid of second person references; be careful of redundancy.
In conclusion, I think technology will continue to be a part of my academics, since it affects a large portion of my life. Today, students have become so reliant on technology that we depend on it as the end to our problems. The internet can be a good thing, but when traditional ways are given up completely, it can lead to negative consequences.<~~such as what? It's not a bad idea to end a paper with something different, but you can't just leave the reader hanging like that!
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http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
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Sorry about not closing out one of those "bold" commands. If you have problems telling your writing from my comments, let me know.
Sure! I can help you revise your essay. Here are some suggestions for revisions:
Paragraph 1:
- Consider starting the essay with a hook to grab the reader's attention.
- Instead of saying "technology has become an indispensable source of information," you could say "technology has revolutionized the way we access information."
- To improve clarity, you might want to specify what kind of disadvantages technology creates.
Paragraph 2:
- Instead of saying "access to a computer and the internet has become such an essential aspect of a student’s life," try rephrasing it to emphasize the impact technology has on a student's academic life.
- Consider adding specific examples of how you use the internet for studying and collaborating with classmates.
Paragraph 3:
- Try to provide a smoother transition between paragraphs 2 and 3.
- Instead of saying "both student and teacher rely on the internet," you could say "both students and teachers rely on the internet for research and communication."
Paragraph 4:
- Instead of starting with "the obvious downfall to technology," consider adding a transition phrase to connect this paragraph to the previous one.
- Specify the negative effects of spending too much time on Facebook and other social networking sites.
- Consider mentioning other addictive aspects of technology, such as video games or streaming platforms.
Paragraph 5:
- Start by introducing the topic of cell phones and their impact on students' lives.
- Instead of saying "Cellular phones are both cultural and a technological trend," you could say "Cell phones have become an integral part of our culture and daily lives."
Paragraph 6:
- Combine the last two sentences to create a smoother transition.
- Instead of saying "In conclusion, I think technology will continue to be a part of my academics," try rephrasing it to emphasize the importance of technology in education.
- Consider adding a concluding sentence that summarizes your overall point or leaves the reader with a thought-provoking idea.
Overall, make sure to proofread your essay for grammar, punctuation, and clarity. Reading it aloud can help you identify any areas that need improvement.