essay cont. to Mrs. Sue
posted by julie .
I disagree with Petre’s view that colleges don’t help students in real life situations. It is true that colleges mainly focus on teaching students on what’s written in books. However, colleges do offer classes and variety of workshops that help students see the general view of situations and problems that will occur in their life. The only disadvantage for students is that these special classes are not required to be taken for graduation. Classes like Chemistry, Math, and English are required to be taken, so students don’t bother to look at special classes. I believe that colleges do offer skills needed for life, such as money management, but it is up to the students to motivate themselves to take that extra step even if it is not asked from them. Even though colleges don’t that teach specific things about life, they do have classes that give general perspective on similar situations that students will face in the future. It is then up to the students to take that information learned, apply it to their future, and learn from their own experiences.
First, can you correct my grammar?
can you tell me if you can figure out what my thesis is from reading my paragraph? i'm kind of aiming for the last two sentences.
because i will give examples of classes, and what teachers teach in those classes and how students should take that information and apply it to their situations in life.
that's what my teacher told me to do. use a specific class and expand that class into a general idea in life.
P.S. my first paragraph is under "please revise my paragraph" by julie.
on teaching students on what’s written in books. Omit the second "on."
colleges do offer classes and variety of workshops Add "a" before "variety."
classes are not required to be taken for graduation Omit "to be taken."
Classes like Chemistry, Math, and English are required to be taken, Chemistry and math should be lower case. Omit "to be taken."
Even though colleges don’t that teach specific things about life,Omit "that."
that give general perspective on similar situations Add "a" before "general."
Yes, it's clear that your last two sentences state your thesis.