Post a New Question

English

posted by .

Can somebody proofread this and tell me if its okay.

The day was October 30, 2005 I went work at the Dial corporation like any other day. Little did I know that this would be unlike any other day that I had ever worked in all the four years that I had been with this company, this would be the day I would learn not to trust any company even a company that I had been with for years. This plant had become my second family I started with this company at a rather young age, at the age of 21 I was working for a company that around my area was the greatest job that you could ever retire from I worked for this company as a machine operator. With this title come a lot of responsibility you are responsible for the operation of a production line that produces the name brand soap dial, on this line you are required to run a press, wrapper, bander, case packer, case sealer, and a palletizer for a person who had never worked in a factory this was a big change for me but I embraced it and loved doing it. So on October 30, 2005 I went in to work as I always do but on this day I knew we had a plant wide meeting. These meetings were nothing that I wasn’t use we had them at the very least once a year; so this was nothing I hadn’t done before. I approached the meeting room with a big smile on my face I thought I knew what to expect they would sit us down and tell us how bar soap sales were declining slightly but that we were still in the running because we held that trusted ingredient they always faith full antibacterial ingredient that we are so widely known for; they would also tell us how we needed to be conscience of safety on the floor and that we as employees were the only ones who could insure that we were safe by practicing good safe habits, boy was I wrong that was far from what they were there to tell us. As always our plant manager approached the front of the room but this time his head was hug really low and I noticed for the first time ever our security guard was in the room sitting in a chair in the back with his arms folded atop his over sized belly he had a look on his face as if he really didn’t want to be there so Kurt the plant manager greets us as he always did and the starts his over head projector like he always did but these films would be some that I will never forget the image will be forever branded in my head e puts up the first of what I thought would be many but it was only this one that he had a piece of paper over the bottom portion so we could only see what he wanted us to see at that time he then takes a seat on a stool that is next to the overhead he cleared his throat and started reading the slide the first few lines were the normal soap sales had declined and then he moved the paper and I read a few lines then I got to that sentence that will always be in my head it read that “soap sales had declined to a point where for the needs of the business fifty people would be laid off”, My heart I ware stopped for that moment so many things were running through my mind at that point I had just had a baby I just came back off of maternity leave I had closed on a new house on September 27 and I had two other daughters and a truck payment what was I going to do my world had just come to an end in a matter of seconds what was I going to do about Christmas, how was I going to pay my mortgage I was finally on top of the world and it had all just been put to a end with one line read from a slide by Kurt the man I trusted to fight for me a faithful four year employee but all that didn’t matter anymore. I pushed through 2006 like I was a steam engine I refused to let this break me if I could be a single mother of three girls in this day in age I could do anything I wont say it wasn’t hard it was I collected unemployment for a while I think still in shock that I wasn’t working at dial anymore then I bounced from this job to that just trying to get close to the twenty dollars an hour I was making just to make ends meet then on September 27 of 2006 I got a call from the Humane resource department at Dial offering me my job back I could barley hold the phone I was so excited so on October first of 2006 I started a new life I was determined to save up enough and try to find a way so if dial decided they didn’t need me any more I had that back up plan to fall on so that’s why here it is two o’clock in the morning on Thanksgiving writing this paper I wont let anything in this world knock me down like this ever again so in conclusion the moral of this story is when it comes to trust there is no trust in the business world it is survival of the fittest they will do what they need to do to make there business thrive. Although this may have hit me hard, in life you can always over come the rough spots out smart them always be you. Trust no one; know that they will do what is best for them.

  • English -

    You've forgotten quite a few periods, so many of your sentences are run-ons. Also, you should break up your essay into paragraphs to make it easier to read.

    The second sentence should say "went TO work."

    Near the beginning, you switched from first person (I) to second person (you). Change all references of "you" to "I."

    It should be "plant-wide meeting" with a hyphen because it is a two-word adjective.

    "These meetings were nothing that I wasn’t use we had them..."
    Change to something like "I was used to these meetings. We had them..." (It's always "used to" in cases like these. Also, try to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition.)

    "...because we held that trusted ingredient they always faith full antibacterial ingredient that we are so widely known for..."
    I don't really understand this. Try to shorten it.

    It should be "ensure" not "insure." Only use the verb "insure" when referring to insurance.

    "his head was hug really low"
    hug --> hung

    It should be "over-sized belly" because it's a two-word adjective.

    Definitely break up everything into paragraphs and add the necessary periods. It's good writing. Consider making some things more concise and succinct. (Edit for wordiness.) For example...
    "So on October 30, 2005 I went in to work as I always do but on this day I knew we had a plant wide meeting."
    shorten to...
    "I went to work as I always do, but today, we began with a plant-wide meeting."

    Things like that will really improve your writing. If you have any questions, let me know. Good luck.

Answer This Question

First Name
School Subject
Your Answer

Related Questions

More Related Questions

Post a New Question