english 2

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Serious Story

They were all slouching in their seats; making it obvious they didn’t want to be there. One was holding on to practically cradling his blue bandana, another was looking at a bruise he had received during a fistfight earlier that day. There were eight of them; all with the same cold, dead look on their face. “Do any of you know why you’re here?” the counselor asked. “I don’t know, you tell me.” One of them asked, he was about ten years old, yet the look in his eye said that he’s seen more in his life than most 50 year olds. “Your all here because of one word, bullet. Each one of you has shot someone, either in self-defense or some other reason. Bullets got you here, but it was your choice to use them.”


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Just in case you want proofreading, I did the following:

They were all slouching in their seats;Comma making it obvious they didn’t want to be there. One was holding on to and practically cradling his blue bandana, another was looking at a bruise he had received during a fistfight earlier that day. Etiher make the preceding two separate sentences or insert "while" after the comma. There were eight of them; all with the same cold, dead look on their face.

Use new paragraph to indicate change in ideas, places, times or persons.

“Do any of you know why you’re here?” the counselor asked.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” One of them asked, "You tell me" is not a question, but a command. Start a new sentence here. he was about ten years old, yet the look in his eye said that he’s seen more in his life than most 50 year olds.

“Your all here because of one word, bullet. Each one of you has shot someone, either in self-defense or some other reason. Bullets got you here, but it was your choice to use them.”

The word, "bullet," did not get them there. However, the use of bullets did. Even so, the bullets are essentially useless without the guns. Without guns, what would they do? Would they throw the bullets at their enemies? They used the guns rather than the bullets. In contrast to bullets, their problem seems to be that they were carrying guns and willing to use them. (Of course, I realize the guns would be useless without the bullets.)

I hope this helps. Thanks for asking.

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