essay intro thesis help please

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It has been ten years since I came to America with my family, and in the summer of 2006, my parents finally decided to take me to the most fun place in the world: Disneyland. I have waited for this day since the second I found about this place. It was that time I enjoyed myself most. I had anticipated this vacation to be the best. After all, I was going to Disneyland. Little did I know I was about to go on a journey that would leave me full of memories that I would never forget. The incident took place in the summer of 2006 and yet I can recall the date and time as if it were yesterday.


That is my introduction to my narrative essay of an event. My teacher says that she wants a thesis at the end of the paragraph too. And normally, if it's a sad event, i can write a thesis about the basic topic

but this is a fun event so i want to say how this trip affected me. To me disneyland is a place to have fun, let loose and all that. so how would i put that in a more english way:

What i came up with:
Here I was going to the greatest place in the world, a place where memories can made, a place where family spends time together...

i know that's a short paragraph but i will start explaining my story in the next paragraph

It has been ten years since I came to America with my family, and in the summer of 2006, my parents finally decided to take me to the most fun place in the world: Disneyland. I have waited for this day since the second I found about this place. It was that time I enjoyed myself most. I had anticipated this vacation to be the best. After all, I was going to Disneyland. Little did I know I was about to go on a journey that would leave me full of memories that I would never forget. Here I was going to the greatest place in the world, a place where memories can made, a place where family spends time together, lets loose, and has fun. I remember it as if it were yesterday.

Does that help?

=)

You should probably delete that last sentence. The "Here I was ... " sentence is a good thesis statement.

=)

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