College Essay

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Is any one can help me to revise my college application? Thank you.

Question:
Please describe which of these activities ( extracurricular or personal activities or work experience) has had the most meaning for you, and why.

I was used to be a President of class in high school. I could contact with more people and listen to more opinions by working in this position. Listening provides a good leadership. Being a good listener is an important skill to survive in a college. In the classes, I listen to professor; when communicate with classmates, I listen to their opinions. As a new comer in this country, listen to others become more necessary to me. Listening means thinking, because I can analysis what others think; listening means speaking, in order to let people listen to me, I should be a good listener first; listening means learning, since I can learn from others speeches. College is a place where I prepare myself for this small community and in future for the big world.

Good Lord. Did you proof this yourself? Please do so, then repost. We will be happy to review it.
Learning to review your own work is and essential college skill.



You didn't really answer the question -- "Describe which of these activities [extracurricular or personal or work experience] has had the most meaning for you and why."

First, you need to tell which of the activities meant the most to you.

Second, you need to describe that activity.

Finally, you need to explain why this activity was so important to you.


I did revise myself, but now I will revise it again base on your opinions, thank you.

I have another activity to tell which I think is better than this one, but I mentioned it on my essay. If I talk about it in this question again, is that good for me?

I would focus on one activity only.
In your original essay on class president, the essay did not speak strongly of college preparation in my opinion. But more importantly, what you say and how you say it are what is the point here. Focus on language, grammar, and answering the question. that is where you fell short originally.

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