When considering the extent that Tolkien borrows the characters,objects and events from the ancient myths, there are a variety of evidences that Tolkien uses the elements of heroism, the precious treasure and the retaliation to create the fantasy story, The Hobbit.
is this sentence right?how to improve this?
Not having read Tolkien, I cannot comment about the content of your sentence. The only comment I have regarding the writing is that you need to get that last comma in the two series you have written:
"characters, objects, and events"
and
"the elements of heroism, the precious treasure, and the retaliation" (<~~better to delete the second and third instances of "the" also)
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
And be sure to underline the book's title.
=)
The sentence you provided is mostly grammatically correct, but it could be improved by rewording it to enhance clarity and flow. Here's a revised version:
"When analyzing the extent to which Tolkien draws inspiration from ancient myths, multiple pieces of evidence indicate that he incorporates elements of heroism, the pursuit of a precious treasure, and acts of retaliation to craft his fantasy tale, The Hobbit."
In this revised version, the sentence is more concise and expresses the main point clearly. Additionally, the comma usage has been adjusted to conform to grammatical standards.