I was unable to stop. I kept going and going, something was out there which was bringing me closer to itself.
Ms. Sue this is the first part I'll post the other one...
This couldn't be a nightmare, everything seemed so realistic. As I approached to where I was being lead I saw a creepy, mysterious, old house.
Great!
I suggest you put a period after the second "going." Then your last sentence in that part would be:
Something was out there which was bring me closer to it.
For the second part, use a semicolon after nightmare.
The atmosphere around me
w a s really creepy.
As I made a step, the ice below my feet crunched.
I could hear howls and groans somewhere near.
I could smell mold
plud stale tobacco
and s t a l e t o b a c c o
Looks great!
"plus stale tobacco"
A dead tree in front of the house was staring right at me. Dark shadows began to surround me, I was scared. I looked up and saw that it was just the thunderclouds in the dark blue sky.
Before I entered in the house, I looked in the window to check to see if it was safe. It sure didn't look like it. There were cobwebs everywhere. I touched the dusty door handle, and went right in. There was murky darkness everywhere. I couldn't turn back yet, there was something here.
I went upstairs and saw black mold on the faded wallpaper. There it was, right on the shelf, there was a picture, and I couldn't see very clearly, it was too dark. I decided to go back outside to identify the picture. As I made my way downstairs,
I forgot which door I came out from. There were two doors, one to the right of me, and one to the left. They both looked the same, very slimy. I picked the left door, and made my way towards it. I opened it up, and saw something.
There was a grave in the yard. I went towards it and saw that it was my grave. This was impossible, this couldn't be. Just then I remembered about the picture. I saw it and it was ME. The environment around me was changing. I was being sucked into the grave. No, I couldn't be.
Ms. Sue there is some sentences in here which I dislike. Could you please edit this and give me your suggestions. I don't like my intro and conclusion. Please help, thanks a bunch:-)
Sorry, this whole paragraph was actually supposed to be together, but for some reason it wouldn't let me post.
Sara -- I think this is excellent!
I suggest you let it sit overnight and then come back to it tomorrow. Then you'll be better able to change the sentences you don't like.
By the way -- it's almost impossible to write a really good piece of work in one sitting. My husband was an author of several published books. He wrote his first draft in longhand, let it sit a day or two, made some changes, and then I typed this draft. He revised and revised at least three times before he finally felt it was ready to be sent to the publisher.