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Homework Help: English: Writing: Parody
by Emily McPherson The following is a good example of parody. Once upon a more enlightened time, in a place far, far away, where skin-care products with vitamin B5 and fat-free drinking yogurt were not readily available, there lived some preadult boars named the "Trio of Vertically Challenged Swine". Preferring the names Porker, Oinker, and Tusker; the three lived on the outskirts of a forested bio-region with their care-giver, Ms. Swine. By no means, however, was she considered a foreigner. This particular community project was based on love, respect and the neighbor hood watch project. When the sun shone more than normally expected, Ms. Swine gave each of her juveniles a basket of preservative-free mineral water, naturally processed tofu, and locally fermented grape juice. Then, she asked them to leave, and go out to conquer the world. This was not because she was an unreformed alcoholic or involved in the child slave labor industry, but because she wanted the best for her trio. Before leaving, she reminded Porker, Oinker, and Tusker to walk politely, use manners, and to beware of the wicked old world" . The trio replied, "We will miss you and we are touched by your concern, but we dislike your over-protective and smothering parenting style". The foremost swine of the trio was Porker. Porker was a domestic animal who liked to jig and prance on Saturday nights. Strolling through the bio-region, Porker soon was stopped by a peddler hauling cement blocks, nowadays known as bricks. He was claiming to be a tourist lost whilst sightseeing. "Little boy," said the tradesman traveler, "Isn't it dangerous for you to wander without adequate supervision?" To which Porker retorted "I am offended by your sexist remarks. Although not an adult, I can walk without constant parental supervision. However, let me not impinge upon your self confidence, I love you, for your inner beauty. May you bestow me some of your bricks?" And so, the foremost swine built his house of bricks- some archaeological feature of notability were the thick door and a big chimney. Not that either were of any practical value, as being an tender and affectionate bio-region it would be hoped that doors are an unnecessary commodity, and that the emission of green house gases be permitted only to the very elderly, or those under one week of age. Oinker, the subordinate of the swine, was a blithe lad who favored to yodel. He waited until a vendor yielding sticks came by. Being an inquisitive preadult, Oinker commented, "Mr. Vendor, what big sticks you have. Not that they aren't most attractive". And so, the vendor, being heartily offended, leapt closer towards Oinker. He then, involuntarily screamed, overwhelmed that in such a politically corrected bio-region two of the same species could be seen so close to each other. Oinker comforted him, "You have an anger-management problem, but we can get through this, by each other's side all the way. However, we must be careful not to violate each others personal spaces." Sobbing, the vendor added, " Words can never express how much indebted I am to you. Here, have my sticks." And so, the subordinate vertically challenged boar built his dwelling out of twindling. But, although the structure itself displayed a sound knowledge of spatial relations, some of the sticks came loose. triumvirate swine, Tusker, constructed his cabin last, but by no means was it the one of trivial significance. Tusker has waited until a ample pilgrim bearing a golden straw of shredded bran and lentil burgers came along. The pilgrim was of great beauty, and Tusker, pressured to conform to society's stereotypes, asked her: "May we embrace, and allow our life forces to combine? I offer you reduced fat-food products, in exchange for your golden straws" . "I can't do it" replied the pilgrim, as the synthetic beauty radiating from her reflected in her non-regulation ear rings, probably acquired for a budget price. "You can do anything if you believe hard enough and have the faith. You've got to believe," coaxed Tusker. "It's your choice, but please take the first step to happiness" Overcome by this kind gesture, the pilgrim, afraid of both commitment and intimacy, excused herself and left, emotionally like turmoil, leaving behind her golden straw. Tusker then proceeded to build a house, using his skills gleaned from a basket-weaving subject. However, upon completion, it would have appeared to an onlooker, that the house was lacking in solidity, even if it had been constructed using the most wholesome straws. Just as the Trio of Vertically Challenged Swine had finished their dwellings and acclimatized to their new-fashioned habitats, an appearing to be benevolent canine neighbor stopped at the door of the foremost swine. "Diminutive pig, diminutive pigs, let me come in." And upon saying this, the wolf's encyclopedia salesperson tactics gained him entry into the brick condo. How could such an insightful animal allow a stranger into his home? He suffered no age-related mental illnesses; in fact, he had more than a satisfactory number of marbles, but due to complications in gene replacement therapy at an even earlier stage of his short life, he possessed an unnatural libido for an under-aged character. Neville, the wolf, intending to devour Porker, hesitated. Neville yearned to open an Animal Home and care for the forgotten needy citizens. However, forced from his own home one dark and stormy night, he now suffered an eating disorder. Seeing Porker lying upon his most attractive futon in his most attractive lingerie, Neville, overwhelmed and uncomfortable, struck out. Unaware of what was narrowly considered "masculine" or "feminine", Neville attempted to devour Porker as rapidly as possible, to alleviate the pains of his victim. As it was a capital offense, punishable with death, to harm any living creature, Neville found that the easiest way to be a law abiding citizen, was to swallow them whole. Then, the wolf, who hadn't yet satisfied his fetishes, hurried to the wooden house and called "Diminutive pig, diminutive pigs, let me come in." "Not by the short whiskers of my chiny-chin-chin. And any, even if I hadn't yet come of age to develop hair on my snout, I'm not the welcoming type" cried the subordinate vertically challenged of the swine. "Then I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in," roared the canny canine creature. And although the wolf was not the destructive type, and suffered an acute form of asthma causing him to be short of breath, he felt that it was best to honor his initial commitments and to not back out at the final moment. So Neville wheezed and he panted with all his vigor, until eventually, in theory, the dwelling should have surrendered. However in reality, this was not the case. The wolf, although wanting neither to be redefined by the homicidal prototype, nor to conform with the dwelling itself, was forced to slip into submissiveness of the residential order. This was demonstrated spectacularly Neville's own collapse and falling from consciousness, hypothesized by many to be the result of too much blustering, gasping, puffing, and whisking. The only beneficial outcome of the excessive breathing exercise, was the apparition of the foremost vertically challenged of the swine, namely Porker. Oinker and Tusker, although over like ecstasy to have taken possession of their older comrade once again, were more concerned about the welfare of the still deceasing canine creature. The utmost care was taken to revive him, although due to legal complications, the swine did not want to be embraced on heroes status. While the canine creature regained full wakefulness, Porker, Oinker and Tusker planned Neville's therapy sessions. Interrupted by an arboreal amputator (wood cutter) content on becoming a man of distinguished valor, the Trio of Swine screamed "What do you think you are doing? Turning to violence, you sexist, you spiciest, you a gist! Thinking us swine can't handle a wolf, without a man!" He left, bewildered, as the Trio of Vertically Challenged Swine enjoyed their reduced-fat refreshments, with the exception of the canine Neville, who after intense rebirthing and rehabilitation now tended to be liquor-enabled and avoided fermented grape products. They all coexisted harmoniously ever after in a cabin of shredded bran and lentil burgers: free of yeasts, toxins, wheats and all foreign extraneous matters. Homework Help: English: Writing For Further Reading
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