Question

We all believe that individuality is important.However,encouraging them to have their body under the knife can be fatal, in fact 75% of teenagers between 16-20 have had near death experience due to unclear symptoms.

How should i improve it

Answer 1

First, it's unclear what individuality has to do with "encouraging them to have their body under the knife". What are you talking about, cosmetic surgery? And what do "unclear symptoms" have to do with it? Seventy-five percent of teenagers aged 16-20 have had unnecessary surgery? You have to explain how surgery, being "under the knife" have to do with individuality, if anything. Once you do that, make sure your prose all agrees. "their body?" THEY only have one body among them? That sounds like someone with multiple personality disorder; multiple personalities in one body.