Revise the following paragraph, improving it without changing its overall meaning. Pay particular attention to any potential sentence fragments.
I love Impressionist art. When I was a child, I went to the museum. The art museum. I stood in front of Monet's painting of flowers. Reflections of Clouds on the Water-Lily Pond. The lilies were pink and blurry, with flat, green leaves. The water was a deep, thick blue and green. When I stood in front of the painting. The water looked very real. I thought that if I touched it. My hand would get wet. The painting was as wide as the room and very tall. Almost six feet. To see the top of the painting. I pretended I was a frog. Who lived in the pond. Hopping in place. I probably looked pretty silly, but nobody seemed to mind.
This assignment is designed to help you understand how to write. It does you no good if someone else does it for you.
In case you're still working on this ...
Read the paragraph aloud TO SOMEONE! It will sound choppy because there are too many short sentences and fragments.
THEN work on putting sentences together to make more naturally sounding sentences (not sounding like a 1st or 2nd grader, just learning to write).
When you think you're finished, read it aloud TO SOMEONE again. You should be able to hear the improvement.
Finally, to make sure there are no fragments or runons, read it aloud from the last sentence to the first sentence. Correct any that are not complete sentences or are 2 or more sentences run together.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/fragments.htm
I have a great fondness for Impressionist art, particularly Monet's masterpiece "Reflections of Clouds on the Water-Lily Pond." As a child, I vividly recall visiting the art museum and being captivated by this specific painting. The lilies, painted in a delicate shade of pink, appeared slightly blurred against their flat, green leaves. The water depicted by Monet was a captivating blend of deep blue and green, so realistic that I almost believed it was touchable. The painting's large dimensions, spanning the entire width of the room and standing nearly six feet tall, enabled me to immerse myself in the artwork. To truly appreciate its entirety, I would pretend to be a frog, an inhabitant of the pond, joyfully hopping in place. Despite potentially looking somewhat foolish, no one seemed to mind my playful antics.
I have revised the paragraph while keeping its overall meaning intact and attending to any potential sentence fragments. Here is the revised paragraph:
I am fond of Impressionist art, particularly Monet's works. I recall my childhood visit to the art museum, where I stood in awe in front of Monet's masterpiece, "Reflections of Clouds on the Water-Lily Pond." The painting depicted pink and blurry lilies with flat, green leaves amidst a deep and thick blue-green water. The artwork was life-like; I almost felt like reaching out to touch the water, expecting my hand to become wet. The painting had impressive dimensions, being as wide as the room and towering at nearly six feet. To view the top portion of the artwork, I playfully imagined myself as a pond-dwelling frog, hopping in place. Although my actions may have seemed silly, nobody seemed to mind.