Ok this is an 8th Grade Language Arts essay: Informal Essay.
"Take a humorous approach in your essay" is part of the instructions but I'm not sure if the essay isn't funny at all... or if it looks like I was trying too hard to be funny.
Plz take a look & let me know what you think of it. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best) where does my essay stand?
PS: Kinda long, 574 words (not counting title).
THE TECH OF THE FUTURE
The technology that we have today is great, and the future of technology is going to be even better. But, when the movie “Back to the Future” promised us hover boards, flying cars, and more by 2015, we were really disappointed. Here we are in 2016 with no flying cars and hover boards that don’t actually hover. Although we might not have flying cars, we do have self-driving cars; however studies have shown that their more prone to accidents then human-driven cars. Before the self driving cars, we had cars with technology built in. They’re prone to hackers that’ll try to run you off the road and kill you. Artificial intelligence is already real & in the next 10 years could make another giant leap. However, do we really want that in our world? I mean we saw how well artificial intelligence did in “Avengers: Age of Ultron.” Do we seriously want technology to rise against us? Last I checked we don’t have superheroes to protect us from that sort of thing.
According to matadornetwork dot com, we should have plenty of new pieces of technology in the next few years. This year, we’ll have a pill that does the job of sunscreen and even protects the eyes against the harmful rays of the sun. I guess we won’t need those brand-name sunglasses we probably paid hundreds of dollars for. In 2017 we should have laser pens. Not the kind we use to drive cats and dogs crazy, this is supposed to heal wounds quickly by sealing up the area of the cut. Now by 2018, the military is going to have some new recruits: mini insect spies. Good news: can’t kill them with bug spray. Bad news: they could get squished by anyone that may think of them as actual bugs. (“23 Incredible New Technologies You'll See by 2021”)
Another advance in technology is the home you can control with your home smartphone, tablet, or computer. I see a few problems with this:
1) Any hacker can steal your information from phones and computers. So now they’ll be able to start controlling the home, and possibly locking you out just to post a funny Youtube video.
2) How many times have we lost the keys to our homes and cars? So now if you lose your phone you can’t even get through the door. So unless these so called “smart homes” have a spare set of keys, I wouldn’t even think about upgrading.
3) Anyone can listen in on the private conversations you have in your house. Privacy will eventually become a thing of the past.
So, before you go and buy that really neat Surface Pro 4, Apple Watch, or iPhone 20 – or whatever they’ve decided to call it now – just think about some actual face to face meetings. Instead of having the family sit around all day on their phones or with their eyes on the TV, maybe take a trip to the beach or the amusement park. The teenage daughter, with her eyes and ears super-glued to that brand new iPhone, should definitely take a day away from those social media “friends.” The kids can survive a day with no tech; and if they can’t, then that means less of a headache for mom and dad! Technology has its ups and its downs, but we should absolutely consider some actual family time and talking with real people every once in a while.
In the SECOND paragraph the word "dot" is replacing a period because it wud not let me submit my question with that url.
Thank you for looking at my essay & plz get back to me grading the paper.
Thanks again,
Ally
9/10
thnx... anything that needs 2 b fixed?
content: 9
humor: 3
Humor can be found in irony, sarcasm, and here are the keys: Humor is a delicate balance between the implausible and plausible, humor is absurdly logical, humor is thought-provoking, outrageous, incongruous (look that word up).
For example: “Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.” (Woody Allen)
Finally, 584 words is not long. The length of an essay should be as long as it takes to make it's point, and not one word longer. Normally, that is five paragraphs, but can be several pages long, or even one paragraph. See Woody Allens quote above.
k thnx bobpursley... & u 2 dave
Hello Ally! I'd be happy to help you evaluate your essay. Based on the information you provided, I'll give you some feedback and offer a rating on a scale of 1 to 10.
Firstly, considering the instruction to take a humorous approach, it seems like you've incorporated some humor into your essay. Your mention of "Back to the Future" and the disappointment at the lack of flying cars and hoverboards is amusing. Additionally, your reference to the dangers of self-driving cars and technology hacking adds a light-hearted tone to the essay.
In terms of the level of humor, it's a bit subjective and can vary from reader to reader. However, overall, the humor in your essay is mild and sprinkled throughout the piece rather than being consistently present. While some parts are entertaining, there may be room for more jokes or humorous anecdotes to enhance the overall comedic effect.
In terms of organization and structure, your essay follows a logical progression, introducing the topic of technology and discussing different advancements. Each paragraph addresses a specific point or technology, which helps maintain clarity.
In terms of technical aspects, be careful with punctuation and capitalization. Double-check for any spelling or grammar errors to ensure clarity and fluency. Additionally, consider varying your sentence structures to create a more engaging writing style.
Taking all these points into account, I would rate your essay a 7 out of 10. Your essay demonstrates effort and incorporates elements of humor, but further development and fine-tuning could enhance the comedic effect. Keep practicing and experimenting with different humorous techniques to improve your writing in the future.
I hope this feedback helps, and good luck with your essay! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask.