which sentence is the best revision?
a. My niece is a ballet dancer.
b. My niece is a ballet dancer who performs both solo ballets and as a member of the ballet corps.
c. My niece is a ballet dancer and I always enjoy attending performances.
short is always better, it reads better, easier to understand, and will be remembered. Can you find the flaws in b and c?
No sir
b. my neice is a ballet dancer...as a member of ... Not parallel construction.
c. My neice is ...and I always...and President Obama is ....and the moon is made of green cheese. Don't make compound sentences of disconnected thoughts...
To determine the best revision, let's analyze each sentence:
a. "My niece is a ballet dancer."
This sentence provides a simple and concise description of the niece's profession as a ballet dancer. However, it lacks specific details about her role or accomplishments.
b. "My niece is a ballet dancer who performs both solo ballets and as a member of the ballet corps."
This revision offers more information about the niece's duties as a ballet dancer. It mentions that she performs both solo ballets and as part of the ballet corps. This added detail enhances the sentence and provides a clearer understanding of her occupation.
c. "My niece is a ballet dancer, and I always enjoy attending performances."
This sentence introduces a personal perspective by expressing the enjoyment the speaker experiences when attending their niece's performances. However, it does not provide any additional information about the niece's roles or achievements as a ballet dancer.
Considering the given options, the best revision is:
b. "My niece is a ballet dancer who performs both solo ballets and as a member of the ballet corps."
This option provides more specific details about the niece's ballet career, making the sentence more engaging and informative.