can someone edit this?
To contrast, in the film Tangled (2010) the mother of Rapunzel, who is exhibited as a Queen, also falls ill, although it is due to legitimate medical ailments, as opposed to a sense of helplessness. She is then limited to a bedridden state while pregnant with Rapunzel, and so numerous guards and royal subjects hunt for the magical flower, Rapunzel, that heals her weakening state. Here, Disney purposefully expresses its feminist ideology by presenting the mother of Rapunzel as a character of more strength and respectability, as she is a Queen of importance and only succumbs to a state of weakness due to an uncontrollable physical ailment, as opposed to a weak state of being that left her feeling hopeless to the point of sickness. Once she gives birth to Rapunzel, her child is promptly stolen by the Sorceress and she is therefore unable to see her again until the concluding scene. Here, she, alongside the king, swiftly run towards the long lost princess when they hear of her arrival. As they first catch sight of her, the mother of Rapunzel becomes the focus of the scene, as we view a close up of her staring at the damsel in shock. The Queen then walks past her husband and immediately grasps her daughter in a tight embrace. Here, Disney furtherly expresses its anti-misogynist critique of the original tale Rapunzel (1812) by transforming the sickly Mother of Rapunzel into a noble character of royalty and importance who is carefully shown in most scenes as standing beside her husband, thereby metaphorically expressing that they are equals, regardless of the Queen's gender. The scene when her and the King do part, however, she is purposefully established as the focus of the camera, both literally and theoretically, as she is not exhibited to be the useless and insignificant character the Brothers Grimm believe her to be. In fact, she is even seems as running in front of her husband, as Disney attempts to stress the notion that she is not inferior to her male counterpart. Although the Queen is a minor character within the Disney film Tangled (2010), Nathan Greno and Brian Howard still incorporate a feminist ideology through latent ways that necessitate a detailed eye and deep thinking. Nevertheless, the film Tangled (2010) purposefully transgresses "Rapunzel" (1812) through the minor character of the Mother of Rapunzel and her abilities to have independent strength without a male.
My head hurts just to look at this.
#1 -- It needs to be divided into paragraphs.
#2 -- Check to make sure every sentence is a complete sentence: no run-ons, no fragments.
Then ...
Please go over your paper with the following in mind. Thanks to PsyDAG for the following:
In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)
(You can also either read it aloud to someone else or have someone else read it aloud to you! The latter works really well!)
If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other people are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.
Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And here are some really good websites that will help, too:
http://teachro.publiccomputingservices.org/writing/proofreading.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/proofing.htm
Do you mind if I send you a copy of the essay? I have already read it aloud and tried to cut down on wordiness, but the words I use are carefully chosen and have a purpose, so I don't want to lose the purpose of the essay either. I'm not sure where I am going wrong exactly because I thought I was keeping my writing simple.
http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1414951293
To contrast, the paragraph can be edited as follows:
In the film Tangled (2010), the mother of Rapunzel, who is portrayed as a Queen, also falls ill due to legitimate medical ailments, as opposed to feeling helpless. While pregnant with Rapunzel, she is confined to a bedridden state, and guards and royal subjects search for the magical flower, Rapunzel, to heal her. Disney intentionally expresses its feminist ideology by depicting the mother of Rapunzel as a character of strength and respectability. Despite being a Queen of importance, she experiences weakness due to an uncontrollable physical ailment, not a sense of hopelessness. After giving birth to Rapunzel, her child is stolen by the Sorceress, and she is only reunited with her in the concluding scene. As the Queen and the King hear of Rapunzel's arrival, they swiftly run towards her. When they first see her, the focus of the scene shifts to the mother of Rapunzel, showing a close-up of her staring at her daughter in shock. The Queen then walks past her husband and immediately embraces her daughter tightly. Disney further expresses its anti-misogynist critique of the original tale Rapunzel (1812) by transforming the sickly Mother of Rapunzel into a noble character of royalty and importance. She is prominently shown standing beside her husband, symbolically representing equality irrespective of gender. However, in the scene where she and the King part ways, she is intentionally established as the focus of the camera, demonstrating that she is not the useless and insignificant character depicted in the original story by the Brothers Grimm. In fact, she even appears to be running ahead of her husband, emphasizing that she is not inferior to her male counterpart. Although the Queen is a minor character in the Disney film Tangled (2010), Nathan Greno and Brian Howard incorporate a feminist ideology through subtle ways that require close attention and thoughtful analysis. Nevertheless, Tangled (2010) purposefully challenges the traditional narrative of "Rapunzel" (1812) through the character of the Mother of Rapunzel, highlighting her independent strength without the need for a male.