This is extremely wordy:
"If I were to describe it, and why I love it so much, I would want to capitalize on things like the talks that the brothers give, commitment, everybody gets a chance to talk, and most of all the love that everybody shares."
What can you cut out but still keep the main meaning?
Read this aloud and let us know how you decide to fix it:
"When the brothers at the kingdom hall give their talks is feels so refreshing, as a brother stands on the stage his words fall out in such beauty, grace, and wisdom."
(Should it be 2 sentences?)
This is a run-on:
"They leave no question unanswered, if people would like to have visits regularly with them they will set up a time and date and were they would meet, they also invite them to meetings at the kingdom hall."
How will you fix it?
In addition to all of the above,
1 - read the whole paper aloud to someone ... or ask someone to read it aloud to you.
2 - cut out all excessive words/phrases.
3 - make sure all sentences are complete and punctuated correctly.
PS -- If all that is one paragraph, you have another job to do ... separate it into paragraphs and make sure each paragraph has a topic sentence and supporting sentences.
For the should it be two sentences. Should it be When the brothers stand on the stage to present their talk they do it with such beauty, grace, and wisdom that leaves me feeling so refreshed.
I still don't understand what you mean by run ons.
"When the brothers stand on the stage to present their talk they do it with such beauty, grace, and wisdom that leaves me feeling so refreshed."
This is much better, but it needs a comma after "present."
Did you read that linked webpage about run-ons and comma splices?
Here's another: http://www.myenglishteacher.net/runonsentences.html
Are the quotation marks at the when and present supposed to go in paper like that?
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