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Sensory writing

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I struggle with sensory writing. We are to write a sense of place story based on what we saw at a site we were designated to go view.. Mine was a ballet class. Anyone mind proofreading my story.

A class located in a big squared lukewarm studio with nearly 30 ballet students. The students are mainly women dressed in black leotards and beige tights with their hair tied up in a bun. There are about three sturdy men who all wore white t-shirts and black bottoms. The students have the flexibility of a pretzel: Distanced from each other, they begin class by doing various stretches such as the splits with their face lying flat on their legs they also bend their knees and straighten them with their feet turned out and heels firmly on the ground. The students warm up by dancing on beat to the feathery sounds of classical music played by a woman pianist sitting at the corner of the studio. They clutch on the chrome silver-colored ballet barre as they plié while keeping their back straight, head up and stomach in. They are like toddlers who steady themselves with a wall as they learn to walk.
The movements the students perform look unnatural for the body, but are so well-executed that they look natural. They glide through the studio dancing on the tips of their toes. They are able to maintain perfect balance as they spin like a helicopter without becoming dizzy. As the piano starts to crescendo, the dance movements look more complex. During certain steps, their feet move so rapidly that it’s hard for the eye to follow the movements. The instructor walks around the studio watching each student perform dance and helps some students perfect certain body movements by pushing their stomach in, stretching their legs higher in the air, and pushing their heel at an elevated angle.

  • Sensory writing - ,

    Sure! You don't seem to bad at it, though. I'll post the improved version in a moment.

  • Sensory writing - ,

    Sorry! My mom just told me to go to bed and is making me turn the computer off so I have to write this fast, but I'm sure you'll get a good grade! Just try to make it less unnatural. Read some poetry for an idea. Okay, gotta go! Good luck and God bless!

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