I struggle with sensory writing. We are to write a sense of place story based on what we saw at a site we were designated to go view.. Mine was a ballet class. Anyone mind proofreading my story.

A class located in a big squared lukewarm studio with nearly 30 ballet students. The students are mainly women dressed in black leotards and beige tights with their hair tied up in a bun. There are about three sturdy men who all wore white t-shirts and black bottoms. The students have the flexibility of a pretzel: Distanced from each other, they begin class by doing various stretches such as the splits with their face lying flat on their legs they also bend their knees and straighten them with their feet turned out and heels firmly on the ground. The students warm up by dancing on beat to the feathery sounds of classical music played by a woman pianist sitting at the corner of the studio. They clutch on the chrome silver-colored ballet barre as they plié while keeping their back straight, head up and stomach in. They are like toddlers who steady themselves with a wall as they learn to walk.
The movements the students perform look unnatural for the body, but are so well-executed that they look natural. They glide through the studio dancing on the tips of their toes. They are able to maintain perfect balance as they spin like a helicopter without becoming dizzy. As the piano starts to crescendo, the dance movements look more complex. During certain steps, their feet move so rapidly that it’s hard for the eye to follow the movements. The instructor walks around the studio watching each student perform dance and helps some students perfect certain body movements by pushing their stomach in, stretching their legs higher in the air, and pushing their heel at an elevated angle.

Sure! You don't seem to bad at it, though. I'll post the improved version in a moment.

Sorry! My mom just told me to go to bed and is making me turn the computer off so I have to write this fast, but I'm sure you'll get a good grade! Just try to make it less unnatural. Read some poetry for an idea. Okay, gotta go! Good luck and God bless!

Sure, I can provide some feedback on your story. Here are a few suggestions to enhance your sensory writing and improve the flow:

1. Begin by setting the scene and describing the studio in more vivid detail. Instead of just saying it's a "big squared lukewarm studio," you could mention the color of the walls, the texture of the floor, or the scent in the air. This will help the reader visualize the environment better.

2. Instead of using the phrase "sturdy men," you could try describing their physique or use a different adjective to provide a clearer image.

3. Expand on the descriptions of the ballet movements. For example, instead of simply saying they "dance on the tips of their toes," describe the elegance of their pointe work and the sound of their shoes on the floor. Use sensory words to paint a more vivid picture.

4. When you mention the instructor helping students, you could include specific actions or gestures that demonstrate how they assist and correct their movements. This will add more depth to the scene and showcase the instructor's expertise.

Remember, sensory writing is all about engaging the reader's senses and creating a more immersive experience. By incorporating more descriptive details, you can enhance your story and bring the ballet class to life.