What do you think about what I have written as an introduction? Dpes it require improvisation or revision? What do you suggest?
What I have been assigned to write: "In Amy's Tan's "Rules of the Game," we read about generational tug of war. Write an essay in which you discuss the motivation of each generation."
My thesis: "Both Waverly, the young chess prodigy, and her mother, a traditional Chinese woman, contribute to the conflict that is impacting their relationship."
What I have written: "In Tan’s “Rules of the Game,” we read about both generational and cultural conflicts between a mother and her daughter. Like many children and their parents, it is common to experience these conflicts between those of past and present generations. We have diverse perspectives, different means of thinking; it’s no wonder why people of our generation so often clash with those of past ones. Nevertheless, such conflicts are caused not only by one stubborn person who refuses to understand, but on both parts. Thus, both Waverly, the young chess prodigy, and her mother, a traditional Chinese woman, contribute to the conflict that is impacting their relationship."
This is NOT a thesis:
My thesis: "Both Waverly, the young chess prodigy, and her mother, a traditional Chinese woman, contribute to the conflict that is impacting their relationship."
That's all factual ... no one would dispute this. There's nothing to prove. Do you need the link for turning non-thesis statements into real ones again?
Yes, I suppose so.
However, what do you think about what I have written?
Remember: Your thesis statement must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
I cannot comment on the content for two reasons:
1. I don't see an outline that would show how you plan to develop your thesis statement.
2. I haven't read this story in a very long time ... far too long to remember details!
Hmmm! I'm remembering this part of the book a bit. Maybe I'll remember more as you write your paper.
Anyway, please post your revised thesis statement and your outline, and I'll be able to give you some feedback.
Overall, your introduction seems to effectively introduce the topic and provide a clear thesis statement. However, there are a few areas where you could consider some improvements:
1. Clarity and Structure: The introduction could be organized more logically and concisely. Consider rephrasing and reordering the sentences to improve the flow. For example, you might want to start with a general statement about generational and cultural conflicts, then transition to discussing the specific conflict in "Rules of the Game" and your thesis statement.
2. Engagement: While your introduction provides a solid overview, you might want to consider ways to make it more engaging for the reader. Consider using a hook or anecdote related to the topic to grab the reader's attention from the start and create interest.
3. Specificity: Try to be more specific in describing the conflicts between the mother and daughter. You mention generational and cultural conflicts, but it would be helpful to provide a little more detail about the specific motivations driving these conflicts. This will give your readers a clearer understanding of what the main points of your essay will be.
Here's an example of a revised introduction incorporating the suggestions above:
"Generational and cultural conflicts are a common occurrence between parents and children. In Amy Tan's "Rules of the Game," these conflicts are explored through the relationship between Waverly, the young chess prodigy, and her traditional Chinese mother. While clashes between past and present generations are a product of diverse perspectives and differing thought processes, they are not solely caused by one stubborn individual but rather by both parties involved. This essay will discuss the motivations of both Waverly and her mother that contribute to the conflict shaping their relationship, shedding light on the complexities of generational tug of war."
Remember, this is just one possible revision. You can further refine and adapt it to better align with your own thoughts and ideas about the topic.