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Essay Evaluation (Writeacher)

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What do you think about what I have written as an introduction? Dpes it require improvisation or revision? What do you suggest?

What I have been assigned to write: "In Amy's Tan's "Rules of the Game," we read about generational tug of war. Write an essay in which you discuss the motivation of each generation."

My thesis: "Both Waverly, the young chess prodigy, and her mother, a traditional Chinese woman, contribute to the conflict that is impacting their relationship."

What I have written: "In Tan’s “Rules of the Game,” we read about both generational and cultural conflicts between a mother and her daughter. Like many children and their parents, it is common to experience these conflicts between those of past and present generations. We have diverse perspectives, different means of thinking; it’s no wonder why people of our generation so often clash with those of past ones. Nevertheless, such conflicts are caused not only by one stubborn person who refuses to understand, but on both parts. Thus, both Waverly, the young chess prodigy, and her mother, a traditional Chinese woman, contribute to the conflict that is impacting their relationship."

  • Essay Evaluation (Writeacher) - ,

    This is NOT a thesis:
    My thesis: "Both Waverly, the young chess prodigy, and her mother, a traditional Chinese woman, contribute to the conflict that is impacting their relationship."

    That's all factual ... no one would dispute this. There's nothing to prove. Do you need the link for turning non-thesis statements into real ones again?

  • Essay Evaluation (Writeacher) - ,

    Yes, I suppose so.

    However, what do you think about what I have written?

  • Essay Evaluation (Writeacher) - ,

    Remember: Your thesis statement must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)

    http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html

    I cannot comment on the content for two reasons:
    1. I don't see an outline that would show how you plan to develop your thesis statement.
    2. I haven't read this story in a very long time ... far too long to remember details!

  • Essay Evaluation (Writeacher) - ,

    Hmmm! I'm remembering this part of the book a bit. Maybe I'll remember more as you write your paper.

    Anyway, please post your revised thesis statement and your outline, and I'll be able to give you some feedback.

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