What do you think? Do these paragraphs require any improvements? What do you suggest?
1. Write a paragraph discussing the courage demonstrated by Martin Luther King Jr.
What I have written: Throughout the nation, Martin Luther King, Jr. is remembered as a man of exceptional courage. For example, as a consequence of the countless death threats that he received due to his prominence in the civil rights movement, King confronted death constantly. Furthermore, due to his popularity among blacks, not only his life but also his family and home were constantly in danger at various times. Subsequently, on April 4, 1968, in the city of Memphis, Tennessee, King was brutally shot while standing upon the second-floor balcony of motel that he was staying at. After being rushed to St. Jospeh's hospital and had undergone emergency chest surgery, King was later pronouned dead during the night. Therefore, this just goes to show that he was willing to risk both his and his family's lives in order to promote equality.
Change "due to" to "because of"
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/plague.htm
See #7
This sentence is not clear:
Furthermore, due to his popularity among blacks, not only his life but also his family and home were constantly in danger at various times.
It sounds as if you're saying that other black people would hurt him/them, but I'm sure that's not what you mean.
Is there any shooting that is not brutal?
Delete "at" after "he was staying" and change "that" to "where"
Parallelism of verbs needed:
After being rushed ... and undergoing emergency...
Delete "later" and correct the spelling of the next word.
Delete "Therefore," and rephrase to smooth out the very last sentence.
Throughout the nation, Martin Luther King, Jr. is remembered as a man of exceptional courage. For example, as a consequence of the countless death threats that he received because of his prominence in the civil rights movement, King confronted death constantly. Furthermore, due to his popularity among blacks, not only his life but also his family and home were constantly in danger at various times. Subsequently, on April 4, 1968, in the city of Memphis, Tennessee, King was shot while standing upon the second-floor balcony of the motel where he was staying. After being rushed to St. Jospeh's hospital and undergoing emergency chest surgery, King was pronounced dead during the night, going to show that he was willing to risk both his and his family's lives in order to promote equality.
received & St. Joseph's <~~spelling
Again !~~> This sentence is not clear:
Furthermore, due to his popularity among blacks, not only his life but also his family and home were constantly in danger at various times.
It sounds as if you're saying that other black people would hurt him/them, but I'm sure that's not what you mean.
Throughout the nation, Martin Luther King, Jr. is remembered as a man of exceptional courage. For example, as a consequence of the countless death threats that he received because of his prominence in the civil rights movement, King confronted death constantly. Furthermore, due to his prominence, not only his life but also his family and home were constantly in danger at various times. Subsequently, on April 4, 1968, in the city of Memphis, Tennessee, King was shot while standing upon the second-floor balcony of the motel where he was staying. After being rushed to St. Joseph's hospital and undergoing emergency chest surgery, King was pronounced dead during the night, going to show that he was willing to risk both his and his family's lives in order to promote equality.
The paragraph you've written discussing the courage demonstrated by Martin Luther King Jr. is informative and provides some relevant details surrounding his life and the risks he took. However, there are a few suggestions to improve the paragraph:
1. Begin the paragraph with a clear and concise topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. For example: "Martin Luther King Jr. epitomized extraordinary courage in his tireless pursuit of equality."
2. Instead of using the phrase "Throughout the nation," consider a more specific and impactful phrase to describe his lasting impact. For example: "Across America and beyond, Martin Luther King Jr. is revered as a symbol of courage and resilience."
3. When discussing the constant threat to his life, consider adding more specific examples or incidents that demonstrate this danger. This will enhance the reader's understanding of the challenges he faced.
4. Be cautious with excessive use of adverbs (e.g., "constantly," "continuously"). It's important to use descriptive language, but too many adverbs can clutter the sentence and weaken its impact.
5. Revise the sentence about his assassination to provide a clearer timeline and connect it directly to his courageous actions. For example: "Sadly, on April 4, 1968, while standing on the second-floor balcony of a motel in Memphis, Tennessee, King fell victim to a senseless act of violence. His willingness to risk his life for the cause of equality serves as a testament to his utmost courage."
6. Conclude the paragraph by emphasizing the significance of his sacrifices and how they contributed to the advancement of equal rights for all. This will reinforce the main idea and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
By implementing these suggestions, the paragraph will flow more smoothly, provide greater detail, and effectively convey the courage demonstrated by Martin Luther King Jr.