posted by mathidislikeperson on .
Dear Prospective Host Teacher and Principal: Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your learning community. I am quite jubilant to have my first PPIE experience with you. Education has interested me for a large portion of my life and I often find myself volunteering with children. Attending the University of Great Falls for the past three years has provided me with joy and assurance I am in the correct career field. In my summers away from school, I enjoy fly fishing and exploring the great outdoors with my father and my dog. I am very blessed to have such a supportive family member in my life and make it a point that he gets the recognition he deserves. The duration of my college studies has been concentrated on communication arts and Elementary Education. Communications continue to amaze me and grasp my interest with all the fun and extensive activities available in the field. Throughout the past few years of college, I spent much of my time volunteering at Eagle Mount of Great Falls in their equestrian program. Teaching a variety of ages how to ride horses, I feel I learned more about teaching than any textbook may offer. Improvement among the individuals I help amazes me every day and encourages me to keep trying my best even when times are difficult. Seeing people overcome struggles to participate in activities they enjoy is one of the most rewarding feelings.
I think you could do with a comma after
supportive family member in my life, ...
keep trying my best, ...
the following clauses are long, and a mental pause would be welcome.
Also, and maybe just personal preference, you have a compound verb in the 1st sentence noted above, with "and" linking "am blessed" with "make it a point". The combination of a linking verb and a transitive verb raises a flag for me. I'd go ahead and make it a compound sentence.
make it a point that he gets
requires the subjunctive (that he get). Otherwise, we have to accept the fact that he gets the recognition, and that is your point.