I have to have an introductory paragraph with thesis statement and a good tone is this good?

John D. Rockefeller, Andrew Carnegie, Cornelius Vanderbilt, were all big business leaders in the 19th century. But many people questioned whether America should view these three men as Captains of Industry or Robber Barons. Although these three men helped in one way or the other to grow business. Vanderbilt is the Robber baron because he hired people to work long hours and they often did not receive a high amount of money for all their hard work. while Rockefeller and Carnegie are Captains of Industry for creating new jobs and donating a lot of money to charities.
John D. Rockefeller was born July 8, 1839 in Richford, New York. He died in his
“winter home” in 1937

What is your thesis statement?

Did you heed all of the advice posted by Writeacher?

http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1382106975

yea i read the advice but its still a bit confusing

What is your thesis statement?

http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html

Where is your outline for this paper?

my thesis statement could be that each of them have to contribute more to give back especially vanderbilt and give all theior employees good pay not cheap labor

outline:

the introduction

then body paragraph 1: biographies, and if i think he is a captain or robber
and evidence to support

paragraph 2 and 3 are the same but different persons

and then the conclusion or summary

Just write your thesis statement here.

thats the trouble i'm having basically because the links don't really help me so i'm pretty much lost

so the paragraph i have is totally wrong?

Yes.

If you're not going to follow our advice and answer our questions, then you don't need to bother to ask us, do you?

Do you mean you didn't understand the link to the thesis statement site? I'm sorry.

yes the links