Ms. Sue is this a good essay. please help me on words that will make the essay better, advice if any sentence is wrong. and anything that can make the essay sound more mature/professional than what it is, punctuation, capitalization, clarity, etc.
A good argument is convincing, effective, and reasonable, but a powerful argument has so much more. The newspaper argument is more effective than traditional school calendar argument for many reasons. Not only does it have more evidence and supporting details, but it also shows more structural component of an argument. In addition it employs a greater variety of methods, and has more logical and emotional appeals. Overall this proves that the newspaper argument is more effective than the traditional school calendar.
The newspaper argument shows structural components far better than the traditional school calendar argument. Not only does it give all the components but also a better understanding on what you are reading. The traditional school argument doesn't have all the components which are the counterargument, and the rebuttal. In the newspaper article it continuously explains how newspaper should be an elective, and gives good reasons why. For example, "it aims to help students develop tools for life," and "they see gains in both their oral and written communication." It also explains how some question whether or not its worth it for high schools to even publish newspapers since individual students can put their own content on blogs, websites, and facebook pages, and disagreeing by stating that all printed papers are now transitioned to e-newspaper format to meet their clientele where they are on the web. Therefore the traditional school calendar is not a powerful argument because it did not meet the requirements of a powerful argument.
In both arguments they show different type of methods, but again the newspaper argument gives more methods than the traditional school calendar argument. It continuously repeats how and why newspaper should be an elective which shows repetition and reasons why. It also shows prognostication by stating that they compete for jobs as editors, reporters, and designers. And lastly it shows address objections by giving a long argument on her opinion and reason why Ms. Logan should consider newspaper as a class elective. Furthermore the traditional school calendar also shows repetition and reasons why by also continuously stating that there is no need in year-round schedules since there are no positive effects towards it, but it does not show any further methods. This states that the newspaper argument once again gives a better argument by giving more methods then the other argument.
The newspaper argument mostly gives an emotional and logical appeal to the audience. It shows logos or logical appeal by giving details on how they create leaderships, improve their oral and written communication, acquire new meanings to website building, and overall get a better understanding and creating new skills for those who want to study journalism, photography, or web design. It shows pathos or emotional appeal by clearly suggesting that not only would it benefit the school but the students who participate would feel an integral part of the community throughout their positive contributions. Both of these appeals clearly show she is trying to convince the reader by giving reasons, but also convincing the students that they are appreciated by their work by being part of a community. Meanwhile the traditional school calendar also shows emotional and logical appeal. For example, it shows emotional by stating “ an important part of a child’s life is summertime. With year-round schedules, students would hardly have any time to relax.” and shows logical appeal by showing statistics, as proclaimed in the article “since 1980, 95% of schools that tried year-round schedule changed back to a traditional calendar. Although both articles clearly show the use of emotional and logical appeal, it is evident that the newspaper article clearly showed more use of both these appeals.
It is evident that the newspaper argument is more effective than the traditional school calendar argument by giving more structural components of an argument, better understanding of logical and emotional appeal and employing a greater variety of methods. Overall it gives a better visual and support on those motivated to take action for a future they would enjoy by starting small and making newspaper as an elective.
Looks great!
really? well what are some words i can put the are better than ones i've used. i just want to get an A on this essay but she said she will be looking for clarity, punctuation, grammar, sentences aren't boring, straight to the point, comparison with both articles, and so many more and i just want the final copy to be really good
also does agitate and solve mean to jump straight to the point
11. Identify the choice that best describes the underlined word(s) in the sentence.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument. However, there are some changes you can make to improve its maturity and professionalism. Here are some suggestions to make the essay sound better:
1. Use formal language: Replace informal phrases such as "so much more" with more formal language like "significantly more" or "considerably more."
2. Capitalization and punctuation: Make sure all proper nouns are capitalized, and check for any missing punctuation or incorrect usage. For example, capitalize the title "Ms." before Sue's name and remove the unnecessary capitalization of "elective" and "in both arguments."
3. Word choice: Use more precise and sophisticated language. For example, instead of saying "not only does it have more evidence," say "this argument presents a wealth of evidence" or "it is supported by ample evidence."
4. Sentence structure: Vary your sentence structure to add complexity and maturity. For instance, instead of using repetitive sentence structures like "It continuously repeats," consider rephrasing it as "The newspaper argument consistently emphasizes" or "It consistently reiterates."
5. Avoid personal opinions: Remove phrases that indicate personal beliefs, such as "Overall this proves." Instead, rely on presenting evidence and logical reasoning to support your claims.
6. Clarity: Review sentence structure and eliminate any instances of awkward phrasing or unclear meaning. For example, in the sentence "This states that the newspaper argument once again gives a better argument by giving more methods then [than] the other argument," rephrase it as "This indicates that the newspaper argument provides more methods than the traditional school calendar argument."
7. Formal tone: Maintain a consistently formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid contractions like "don't" or "can't," and replace them with their full forms ("do not," "cannot") for a more formal tone.
8. Proofreading: Carefully proofread your essay to catch any grammar or spelling errors that may detract from its professionalism.
Remember to also consult your teacher or peers for their feedback and suggestions on improving your essay's maturity and professionalism.