posted by Vanessa on .
City-States Essay Assignment
In what ways were the Indus Valley people an advanced civilization? In what ways did their civilization compare to an advanced modern civilization today?
How is this?
The Indus Valley people had great architectures. The yearly floods that the Indus people had gotten help deposit new soil through out a wide area. They lived near the world's tallest mountains and near a desert helped them not to get invaded. They were creating the first cities in India. They were soon becoming a very strong independent government. Their engineers also created sophisticated plumbing and sewage systems. They were the first city to have indoor toilets!
Again ... please read this aloud or have someone read it to you.
Fix all errors and re-post.
What are the errors? I thought it was okay..
Did you read it ALOUD?
"architecture" -- this word is always used in the singular and is not an alternative for "buildings"
The verb tenses throughout this paragraph are not consistent. Use the past tense only, and be consistent.
"They lived near the world's tallest mountains and near a desert helped them not to get invaded." <~~This sentence seems to be missing some words ... it doesn't make good sense.
People don't become governments; they form governments, though.
"They were the first city to have indoor toilets!" <~~The Indus Valley people were NOT one city!! Look at the size of it!! ~~> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indus_Valley_Civilization