Posted by Anonymous on .
SAT essay practice.
Please grade,correct, and give feedback.
We can succeed only by concert. It is not "Can any of us imagine better?" but " Can we all do better?"
Assignment: The excerpt above argues that we can achieve only through collective effort, not as individuals. Write an essay supporting, disputing, or qualifying this thesis.
Abraham is quite correct about the fact that "We can succeed only by concert. It is not "Can any of us imagine better?" but "Can we all do better?". It is true that we can achieve through collective effort, and most of the time it turns out successful. We can also achieve as individuals. Thus, we can achieve through collective and individual efforts and not collective effort alone.m
When my teacher decided that the test was going to be on Monday, one of my classmates refused the test date. Instead of individually talking to the teacher, he decided to take surveys on whether if the test should be on Friday or Monday. The result was what the students had expected. The teacher was dumbfounded with the result and chose to postpone the test. It is the unity of students that create a sense of power which changed the teacher's mind. Moreover, in unity there is strength. Collective effort has more support and strength.
It may seem that individual effort is weak and powerless, but it is possible. I put copious of effort to study for tests and I receive good grades. This does not require a group of people to help me study and yet the result is splendid. An effort is an effort and the only different thing is the word "collective" and " individual" . Both, however, contain the word "effort" . Effort is key, and it works both ways- collective or individual.
The content is fine ... you have more examples and good details in here.
There are mechanical problems (grammar, punctuation ... ) but they don't detract from the message you're trying to get across.
I'd give this paper a high 4 or a low 5.