Business Communications (English)
posted by MaryBeth on .
Please check punctuation for periods and semicolons to make sure they are correct. This is a letter which we had to proofread (keeping same sentencing). Semicolons, for some reason, are difficult for me. THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR HELP!!
Dear Ms. Santiago
You will be interested to learn that Vita-Rich, which is you biggest competitor in this area, continues to secure promotions from Big Super Mart at very substantial values via the coupon offer of one-fourth off the price of other stores.
The enclosed ad shows Vita-Rich featured for $1.50 at Big Super Mart. This is the second such advertisement that Vita-Rich has secured from Big Super Mart and each ad has moved over 4,500 cases of merchandise. This is 2 1/2 times more than last quarter.
Because of this coupon promotion, the manufacturer rebates directly to Big Super Mart the difference between the regular shelf price and the feature price; payment is made on the quantity of coupons redeemed. How can we counteract this activity?
The first sentence (paragraph) is correct, but is much too long and wordy.
Second paragraph: A comma is needed after Mart in the second sentence.
Third paragraph -- O.K.