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Writing

posted by on .

for this profile story i'm doing one of my sentences was

Originally from central Indiana, Gilbert did not grow up in a diverse neighborhood, nor did she attend a diverse school system.
My teacher told me to elaborate on when I say diverse..

Is this better?
Growing up in central Indiana, Gilbert was not exposed too much diversity. She lived in a predominately white middle class neighborhood, and attended a white middle class school system.
How could I fix it?

  • Writing - ,

    She wants you to be SPECIFIC about what you mean by "diverse."

    varied by socio-economics?
    Varied by race or ethnicity?
    Varied by ... What?

    What does "white middle class" mean to you?

  • Writing - ,

    Diverse and diversity are tired words, they are used in cryptic conversations and mean something to different folks.

    If I were you, I would not use the word at all. Get specific.

    Does Diverse meaning Klingons being added. Diverse was apparent in Star Wars, but on this planet, the word is somewhat passe, unless you want to avoid specifics and intelligent thought.

    I am reminded of a teacher who used to tell parents of slower than normal kids, that the kids were in the average range...and that trouble making kids, usually kids with grave personality disorders, had fallen in with the wrong crowd. All that is semantic nonsense.

    I agree with Writeacher. Get specific.

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