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Grammar

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Rives the paragraph below to create shorter, more direct sentences.

Years ago, when most of today's model railroaders were still growing up, the toy world offed a number of fantastic electric train sets that included engines with real steam and whistles that blew, train stations with people waiting for the trains, and even trees and houses for landscaping. The train sets were often purchased as Christmas gifts for children and were brought out of the closet and set up only during the holiday season each year. Although these train sets were generally sold and used as toys for children who had spent the year looking longingly through shop windows,adults seemed to enjoy them as much or more. The children would have to wait for hours while their fathers and mothers played engineer. These sets fascinated the would-be modeler, hinting at how much more could accomplished with some imagination and a little more money.

  • Grammar - ,

    I'd divide the first sentence into two sentences.

    If you post your revision, I'll be glad to check it for you.

  • Grammar - ,

    Years ago, when most of today's model railroaders were still growing up, the toy world offered a number of fantastic electric train sets. Some included engines with real steam and whistles that blew, train stations with people waiting for the trains, and even trees and houses for landscaping. The train sets were often purchased as Christmas gifts for children and were brought out of the closet each year and set up only during the holiday season. Although these train sets were generally sold to be used as toys for children who had spent the year looking longingly through shop windows, adults seemed to enjoy them much or even more. While their fathers and mothers played engineer, the children would have to wait for hours. These sets fascinated the would-be modeler, hinting at how much more could be accomplished with some imagination and a little more money?

  • Grammar - ,

    Ms. Sue?

  • Grammar - ,

    You haven't shortened any other sentences.

  • Grammar - ,

    Which sentences would you suggest to shorten?

  • Grammar - ,

    You should try combining sentences that correspond or have similar subjects. Take the first two sentences could be combined since the second sentence describes what those model trains were like.

    The third and fourth sentences could also be combined since you could say although children enjoy receiving these model trains as Christmas gifts adults also enjoyed playing with them; thus, making their children wait hours for their turn, is an example of how to combine those two.

    Continue doing this and to be able to do this check for similarities and redundant phrases in order to shorten the paragraph. Those two things will help you to shorten any paragraph. Hope this helps.

  • Grammar - ,

    langweilig

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