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I need help writing a lead sentence, it has to answer the who, what, why, when and how

The Director of Budget and Accounting, Patsy Moore, shared a presentation about the 2013 Capital Improvement Plan on Monday during the City Commission Meeting in Kalamazoo.

Does that work, if not can you help me revise it?

  • English - ,

    That works just fine. You could also start with "Patsy Moore, director of budget and accounting . . ."

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