IS THIS PARAGRAPH ACCEPTABLE FOR THE INFORMATION REQUIRED?

Your goal is to persuade your cousin to apply for the job.
You e-mail her a paragraph explaining the specifics of the job and the reasons she should apply.
You want to convince her that she has the job skills required.
You’ll use an informal tone, of course, but will take care to use correct business writing to show her that you take your recommendation seriously.
create the kind of skills the job as boss’s assistant requires
Make up names for your boss and the company, as well as any facts that might help you prove your case to your cousin.

Hey Karen,
I am very happy you are back in town. I hear that you are looking for employment here in Ocala! Guess what, with your previously work habits as a cashier and sales clerk, you would be perfect for the position within my company. My boss, Mrs. J.K. Lam, manager of Abercrombie & Fitch is looking for an assistant and I think you would fit right in. The skills required for this position are good communication skills, willingness to help, telecommunication etiquette, sales and research skills, also patience. You have exceptional interpersonal communication skills, always punctual, very dependable, and possess outstanding organizational capabilities and professionalism. The benefits are excellent too, you get medical, dental, and paid vacation. I believe you should apply for this job because you have the skills required for this position. Mrs. Lam is great to work for, she is very courteous and respectful to all her employees. She reminds me so much of you when it comes to skilled etiquette. It would be wonderful to have you on our team and benefit us both personally and professionally by helping you build a good network for future career development. It would be awesome to have you on our team. I really hope you consider applying for this position. I can’t wait to see you this weekend.

Love always,
Evelyn

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The paragraph you have provided is a good start for persuading your cousin to apply for the job. However, to make it more effective, you can make a few changes. Here's a revised version:

Dear Karen,
I am thrilled to hear that you are back in town and looking for employment in Ocala. Guess what? I have an exciting opportunity for you within my company. Mrs. J.K. Lam, the manager of Abercrombie & Fitch, is in need of an assistant, and I genuinely believe that you would be a perfect fit for the role.

The job requires excellent communication skills, a willingness to help others, knowledge of telecommunications etiquette, sales and research abilities, as well as patience. Based on your previous experience as a cashier and sales clerk, I know that you possess exceptional interpersonal communication skills, punctuality, dependability, and outstanding organizational capabilities. These skills make you an ideal candidate for the position.

In addition to the fulfilling nature of the job, Abercrombie & Fitch offers excellent benefits, including medical and dental coverage, as well as paid vacations. Working under Mrs. Lam's leadership is a privilege, as she is known for her courtesy and respect towards all her employees. I believe that your professionalism and skilled etiquette align perfectly with her expectations.

Having you on our team would not only benefit us personally and professionally but would also help you build a strong network for future career development. Applying for this position is an opportunity you shouldn't miss.

I can't wait to see you this weekend and discuss this exciting prospect further.

With love,
Evelyn

To improve the paragraph, I focused on the following:

1. Opening with enthusiasm: I started by expressing excitement about her being back in town and looking for employment.
2. Direct and clear introduction: I mentioned Mrs. J.K. Lam as the manager of Abercrombie & Fitch, emphasizing the importance of the job.
3. Highlighting relevant skills: I pointed out specific skills required for the job and highlighted how your cousin possesses them based on her previous work experience.
4. Emphasizing benefits: I mentioned the excellent benefits you'll receive, such as medical, dental, and paid vacation, to add value to the position.
5. Portraying the boss: I described Mrs. Lam and her personality traits to create a positive image of the working environment.
6. Personal and professional growth: I emphasized the importance of networking and career development, showing the long-term benefits your cousin can gain from this opportunity.

Overall, this revised paragraph maintains an informal tone while using correct business writing techniques to convey the seriousness of your recommendation.