Homework Help: English

Posted by Evelyn on Friday, January 18, 2013 at 10:19am.

Please indicate if these details are including in paragraph.

The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided you to choose the type of position for which you applied.
show you have thought carefully about what and/or who has motivated you toward this career choice and why.
convey your enthusiasm for this position as it relates to your inspiring experience

I choose to become a Medical Transcriptionist to use my skills in writing, spelling, grammar and punctuation. My passion for medical transcription arose because of my love for research and thirst for knowledge. I have been curious about new diagnoses, medications, technologies, and new treatment options. Being a transcriptionist; learning new and challenging problems people face on a day-to-day basis will boost my knowledge for medical information. As you learn and understand these things, it's easier to know your own bodies necessities. My father, Oh how I loved my father, he was the greatest man I have ever know. He passed away seven years ago from a stroke. If I had known the signs and symptoms, I probable could have saved him. I felt helpless after the fact. "Why didn't I know"? How can someone be helped If you don't know or understand what is happening to them. His stroke was on Thanksgiving Day, I will never forget. For this heart breaking day, it gives me great pleasure to work within the medical field. I want to understand why and how the signs we see in people can give information about what preventatives to take. I know I have determination to work hard, the compassion needed while assisting patients, and the ability to work well under pressure and in a team-oriented environment.

English - Writeacher, Friday, January 18, 2013 at 10:33am
I choose to become a Medical Transcriptionist to use my skills in writing, spelling, grammar and punctuation. My passion for medical transcription arose because of my love for research and thirst for knowledge. I have been curious about new diagnoses, medications, technologies, and new treatment options.
These 3 sentences need to be in exactly the opposite order ... and will have to be rephrased somewhat to make sense. I guarantee that your first reason for becoming a medical transcriptionist (note: no capital letters) is not spelling and grammar skills. In fact, I'd leave out that entire first sentence!

Being a transcriptionist; learning new and challenging problems people face on a day-to-day basis will boost my knowledge for medical information.
Check for punctuation correction needed as well as for correction of word choice after "knowledge."

My father, Oh how I loved my father, he was the greatest man I have ever know.
Run ons

As you learn and understand these things, it's easier to know your own bodies necessities.
I see you didn't follow my instructions a few days ago about getting rid of all instances of "you" and its forms.
Also, check on the difference between plural and possessive spellings.

How can someone be helped If you don't know or understand what is happening to them.
Oh, my! The word "someone" is singular, but "them" is plural. They need to match. Also, be sure to check on capitalization rules for this sentence.

It goes on...

Once you revise all this -- and find other places in your writing with the same errors I've pointed out above -- read it aloud to someone else or have someone read it aloud to you.

THEN repost.
English - Evelyn, Friday, January 18, 2013 at 11:01am
Thank you for critism.
English - Writeacher, Friday, January 18, 2013 at 11:56am
My comments are meant to be helpful. I don't think you should change the CONTENT in your paragraph; it's the grammar & usage that need cleaning up.

Most of all, I try to get students to keep their own voice and content while making their writing as mechanically perfect as possible!

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