Homework Help: english poem

Posted by Riana on Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 4:32pm.

plz can anyone check my poem and mark my correct my mistakes.

Lasts Forever
once aparted, never met again
never saw the wound heeling again

once desired, beyond dreams
no one i saw blessed anymore

once hurtled, smashed from the roots
never saw a tree crashed like a walnut

once dead, somehow turned the soul red
haven't seen venom spread like blood in body

english poem - Writeacher, Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 4:35pm
There's no such word as "aparted" (for one thing).

I think you mean "crushed" instead of "crashed"
english poem - Riana, Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 4:37pm
yeah crushed sorry my mistake. then what should i use instead of aparted?
english poem - Writeacher, Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 4:43pm
Just use "apart" -- and I think you mean "healing" (not "heeling"), right?
english poem - Riana, Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 4:47pm
yeah healing and dose this poem make sense and is it good or not or any grammatical mistakes ?
english poem - Writeacher, Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 4:49pm
I have no idea what you're trying to describe -- a person? a town? a neighborhood? a lifestyle? or ???
english poem - Riana, Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 4:50pm
a failure lover.
english poem - Writeacher, Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 4:52pm
Somehow you need to make that clear!
english poem - Riana, Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 4:53pm
where should i make the changes ?
english poem - Riana, Sunday, January 13, 2013 at 9:46pm
i changed the sentence number 6
"never saw a heart crushed like a walnut"

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