posted by Riana on .
plz can anyone check my poem and mark my correct my mistakes.
once aparted, never met again
never saw the wound heeling again
once desired, beyond dreams
no one i saw blessed anymore
once hurtled, smashed from the roots
never saw a tree crashed like a walnut
once dead, somehow turned the soul red
haven't seen venom spread like blood in body
There's no such word as "aparted" (for one thing).
I think you mean "crushed" instead of "crashed"
yeah crushed sorry my mistake. then what should i use instead of aparted?
Just use "apart" -- and I think you mean "healing" (not "heeling"), right?
yeah healing and dose this poem make sense and is it good or not or any grammatical mistakes ?
I have no idea what you're trying to describe -- a person? a town? a neighborhood? a lifestyle? or ???
a failure lover.
Somehow you need to make that clear!
where should i make the changes ?
i changed the sentence number 6
"never saw a heart crushed like a walnut"