Posted by Mario on Friday, November 9, 2012 at 8:43pm.
Can someone help me proofread this?
The Industrial Revolution began in England in the 18th century and ended in the 19th century. It began in England and then spread throughout the world. There were many changes in agriculture, trade and transport during the Industrial Revolution. Not only did Industrial Revolution change Britain, it also changed many of technological advances throughout the world.
Eli Whitney is one of many inventors that had a major impact in the Industrial Revolution. Eli Whitney changed the way people remove the seeds in cotton. He created the cotton gin which made it easier and faster for people to remove the seeds in cotton. This made the cotton industry of the south explode. Without this invention we would be wasting our time removing the seeds from cotton by hand.
Thomas Edison is another inventor that had a major impact in the Industrial Revolution. Thomas Edison is probably one of the biggest inventors from all time and created the most inventions by a person. He changed the whole world with all of his patented inventions. He patented over one thousand inventions such as the light bulb and the phonograph which was his first invention.
James Watt is another inventor that had a major impact in the Industrial Revolution. James Watt’s impact in the Industrial Revolution was that he improved the steam engine. He improved it by making it work faster and more efficiently. Steam engines were used to run steamships and steam locomotives which allowed for quicker transportation of raw materials. Now steam engines are still used to help run nuclear power plants.
The Industrial Revolution changed Britain and the entire world with many technological advances. It had a great impact in agriculture, trade and transportation. Eli Whitney changed agriculture by inventing the cotton gin which made it easier for people to remove seeds from cotton. Thomas Edison changed the whole world with over one thousand inventions. James watt changed the way people transported raw materials making it quicker with his steam engine.
- Social Studies - Ms. Sue, Friday, November 9, 2012 at 8:51pm
This looks good.
I suggest you combine your first two sentences to get rid of the redundancy. Also, Watt should be capitalized in the last sentence.
- Social Studies - Ms. Glenn, M.S.Ed., Monday, February 17, 2014 at 5:46pm
Go back and look at what you said. You repeat the term "industrial Revolution" way too many times.(It's called padding.)
Narrow down your point. You have listed a group of random factoids in no particular order. Pick three and, in chronological order, discuss WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE AND HOW. Always remember to KISS = Keep It Short and Simple.
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