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English 8R - Business Letter Assignment Check

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(my English teacher's name)
Care of (my full name)
(school's address)
9/10/12
President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
Dear President Obama:
Hello my name is (my name). I'm doing this assignment for my English class when I have to write a business letter to a person - famous or not, so I choose you. I'm writing to you and your family is because you guys inspire me a lot.
Mr. Obama, you deserve to be President for the second term, that speech you gave was powerful, determination, bright, and creative. As for Michelle you speech was also powerful, determination, bright, and creative. You guys just love making a difference in this country and the world. When I grow up I want to become a social worker (to help teens with their problems; friendships, family issues, bullying, depression, romance, anything!), a author (I love to write) and an artist (I love art). I want to make a difference by helping teens to make good decisions in their life's, give them advice, and resolve their problems. I know today teens still make some bad decisions.
Would you guys spend the time writing me an autograph, if you guys have a chance.
Thank you so much for your consideration for this request. Malia I wish you good luck in high school and as for Sasha I hope you enjoy your years in middle school, trust me it's fun! Mr. Obama, my parents are defiantly voting for you! :)

Sincerely,
(my signature)
(my name)

Is it good?
Is there grammar mistakes?

Please check because I really want to get a good grade on this and plus my English teacher said that I can actually send it to Obama, so I want this to be perfect.

PS ---- PLEASE reply my 2 math posts, because no one replied it.

  • English 8R - Business Letter Assignment Check - ,

    Calling the President and is family "guys" is disrespectful.

    I'm writing to you and your family is because you guys inspire me a lot. >> Omit "is."

    Mr. Obama, you deserve to be President for the second term, that speech you gave was powerful, determination, bright, and creative. >> Run on sentence

    As for Michelle you speech was also powerful, determination, bright, and creative. Change "Michelle" to Mrs. Obama. Change "you" to your.

    Mr. Obama, my parents are defiantly voting for you! :) defiantly or definitely??

  • English 8R - Business Letter Assignment Check - ,

    one of them was a typo, sorry about that

    and how on earth you guys is disrespectful...????? If I say you inspire me a lot I had to add you guys because I referring to the hole family... never mind I'll take it out then

    but is my letter is good thought and be honest because I worked really hard on this


    btw --- please reply my 2 math posts, thank you

  • English 8R - Business Letter Assignment Check - ,

    PLUS --- is there anything else I should add???

  • English 8R - Business Letter Assignment Check - ,

    Yes, it's a good letter. You should be proud to send it.

  • English 8R - Business Letter Assignment Check - ,

    thank you! :)

    I add another sentence for the third paragraph - Ms. Obama you lucky to have a wonderful husband. Keep up the good work! :)

    please reply my math posts.

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