English III Proofread and tips (:
posted by Claire` on .
Hello! Could someone proofread this summary for me and give me some tips? Thanks so much!
In Daniel Smith’s article, The Anxious Idiot, he discusses anxiety issues. He begins the article with an introduction to his anxiety disorder and proceeds to tell of his discovery inspired by his brother Scott, “I am now coming to understand that anyone…can lessen and even elude anxiety, so long as he heeds a simple dictum: Don’t be an idiot”. He defines an idiot as “someone who is self-defeatingly lazy” consequently stating that it’s laziness that triggers, as well as prolongs anxiety. The anxiety victim knows the ways to counter the attack, but allows the disorder to overtake the normal patterns of thought. Smith tells the reader that anxiety is a habit that’s hard to break because the same repetitious thoughts make an endless loop in the mind that gradually deepens into and becomes engraved as a way of life. He concludes that the victim of anxiety must be determined to fight back the old ways of thinking to create a new life that’s anxiety-free.
Are some parts a bit repetitive?
Summary is OK, but wow, your sentences are long. Have you ever considered writing shorter sentences, giving the reader time to absorb?
<<With a long sentence, the listener or reader may have forgotten the end by the time that the speaker or writer has reached the final few words that they are going to say or write, even though the listener or reader may be paying particular attention, whether it is late or early and whether they are tired or alert.
With short sentences, the listener gets the whole thing in one go. Easy to remember. Easy to understand. More powerful communication.
There is a natural pause after a sentence. This gives the other person space in which to consider what is said. This also adds 'thoughtfulness' to what is being said.>>
Okay Thanks so much!! That really helped