Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 10:35pm.
I'm needing help editing a couple of paragraphs for a descriptive essay. These are the instructions I was given:
--Mark up the paragraphs with specific observations and comments regarding general writing issues, but give specific comments related to qualities that are relevant to description.
--What are the primary strengths and weaknesses of this passage as descriptive writing?
--What specific recommendations would you make for improvement?
I understand this would take a lot of time but any help would be greatly appreciated.
As the sun sets upon this sweet, beautiful mountain, everyone flees into the tabernacle which is hidden away in a small, peaceful valley. The tabernacle has several thick monster like poles that support a tin roof. The roof is stained brown and orange, which shows that it has seen a lot of torment from wind and rain. Inside the tabernacle, there are a few primitive benches that sit facing toward a small wooden podium. The seats are very uncomfortable. This ragged building appears as if it could blow over at any moment; we sit and think about our purpose there. I feel safe while being there; it serves as my true shield from evil.
There are gracious windows throughout the tabernacle. These windows have stained glass and pictures of Bible scenes. These scenes are in many colors, but their importance is that they tell a story. The broken panes of glass have several nests of birds in them. When I come in from the cold, I can think about all the things I am grateful for and why I have such a purpose. Those windows have given me strength and their light guides me on to a place like no other where my day to day life will not ever be.
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