Homework Help: Art

Posted by Frank on Tuesday, May 8, 2012 at 9:08am.

As I'm summarizing an episode, I used the simple present to refer to the present situation (he keeps her prisoner...) and the past to refer to the incident in the summer house.
Could you please check it?

1) He keeps her (virtually) prisoner in his country house.
2)While she is writing to her mum, her master surprises her. He accuses her of behaving foolishly for she informed both her parents and his housekeeper of the incident in the summer house.
3) One day in the summer house he put his arm around her without warning and kissed her. However, she protested strongly and he offered her gold to keep the incident a secret.
She refused the money , wrote to her parents about the incident and told his housekeeper about it.
5) He says that on that occasion he didn't want to do her any harm
Then he scolds her again and calls her equivocator.
6) She begs him not to be angry with her and runs away into her room shutting the door behind her.
However, he has already got hold of her dress, which now hangs from the closet door.
7) When she comes to, her master tells her that if she were wise, she wouldn't ("shouldn't is a mistake?) tell about the matter to anyone.
She confesses that she asked her parents for advice because her heart was almost broken.

Art - Writeacher, Tuesday, May 8, 2012 at 9:58am
1) He keeps her (virtually) prisoner in his country house.
If he actually kept her prisoner in the house, then don't use "virtually," but if she were sort of a prisoner (maybe could come and go, but knew she had to get back soon), then you could use "virtually."

2)While she is writing to her mum, her master surprises her. He accuses her of behaving foolishly because she informed both her parents and his housekeeper of the incident in the summer house.

3) One day in the summer house he put his arm around her without warning and kissed her. However, she protested strongly and he offered her gold to keep the incident a secret.
She refused the money, wrote to her parents about the incident and told his housekeeper about it.
Three commas are needed in those sentences above. Do you see where?

5) He says that on that occasion he didn't want to do her any harm
Then he scolds her again and calls her an equivocator.

6) She begs him not to be angry with her and runs away into her room shutting the door behind her. comma needed
However, he has already got hold of her dress, which now hangs from the closet door.

7) When she comes to, her master tells her that if she were wise, she shouldn't tell anyone what happened.
She confesses that she asked her parents for advice because her heart was almost broken.

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