posted by Stressed on .
can some proofread my paragraph it is for a persuasive essay? Please,Thank You!!
Is Education system taking the risk for students learning? Is the capital that we have been giving helping students to improve their performance in schools ? What can be done to futher advance againist the compatition ? The law called No Child Left Behind is used to adminster money to the education system to help to correct the problems in schools and the whole system. It also used to help support teachers to get new material for the classroom, and it can be used to determine the student’s proficiency by testing each student in each and every state. NCLB has been costing the school system too much as it is, they have shown very little results, students are being forced into taking the state tests, and the requirements for the law have been hard to achieve.
You have some work to do. Have you proofed this. Reread the first three questions and correct the gross errors.
Now on the fourth sentence (The law...) is going to be a surprise to many as NCLB act by Congress was NOT funded, and has not been. The rest of the paragraph, is opinion, few facts. If you are going to persuade folks with your writing, you have to give some support with true facts, you have not. All opinion, based on false premises.
The NCLB was not funded, it was mandated to the states, with opt out measures. The student's achievement tests have been going on well before NCLB. Think on this: what is exactly "costing too much" mean? What does "little results" mean?
You failed to persuade me. You can do better than this.