posted by olinda on .
can someread my essay
Heart breaks are like a deep and dark December; when you just can’t find that special person in your heart, you expect it to turn into seasons like fall to winter to spring to summer. Passing through many bumpy roads I soon discover I had to love myself in order to love others. Love is like leaf that is blown until it falls in place. A seed was growing in my heart and I became a person I never thought I’d be a lotus flower bright and vibrant. I was no longer the person I was back then. I was not myself at all as different as night and day, I was no longer regretting but forgiving, no longer hopeless but certain, and was no longer careless but attentive.
Back then I was regretting my decisions and the person that broke my heart. I had this burden that that I couldn’t get out of my mind. It was like a black dark shadow that kept following me, haunting me and telling me I was no good. I hated ever thing I did in my past. Not listening to my parents when they told me not to be with him was what I regretted the most. The feeling grew intense, the only word that came out was, “I regret this, and “I regret that” as if the words were force to come out. Falling in love with a broken heart was like a nightmare regretting every thought I ever had. Thinking he loved me but ended up living me for another person. I would lock myself in my room and not talk to anybody; Regretting felt like a daily routine that I never got sick of. I would wake up open my eyes stare straight up the wall feeling like I was suffocating .I wanted to be free. I wanted to open myself and let go of all the regretting but it was like a cold jail that I could get out of. However, I now learned how to forgive myself. I learned that everyone makes mistakes and everything happens for a reason. I feel like my body wasn’t push down like before but lifted up to the point that I fell like my head up is in the sky. I wake up with happiness not worry about what happened but what is going to happen. I pardon all the bad things I did and went on with my life. I now see the light that shine in me. Now when I smile my cheeks feel like there lifting weights from smiling more often and my eyes get wider like if I have never seen the light of day. My chest has open from letting go all the harsh feelings were deep in me. Every day is like a new beginning I wake up, talk to my mom.
I use to be hopeless then I couldn’t find a solution to my pain. The only thought that came to me was death. I want to die so bad I couldn’t accept myself, how, I looked my body and I couldn’t do anything about it. I felt like I was at the edge of cliff wanting to fall. I would close my eyes shut trying not to look at the mirror feeling ugly and disgusting as if I was a monster.